South Carolina's Sen Jim DeMint joins Freeper heaven
South Carolina - A fanatical GOP organization founded to cover up sordid stuff about Richard Nixon is about to get a brand new Tea Party nut for its latest president. The Heritage Foundation has just appointed South Carolina Senator Jim DeMint as...
Read full storyBig glasses make wine taste better
If you want your wine to taste nice it's best to wear a big pair of glasses rather than a small monocle or nothing at all. Researchers at Spexarus University got hundreds of volunteers to wear different sizes of spectacles when tasting a range of...
Read full storyPublic Surprised that Wills "had it in him"
As the glorious, unrelenting news of Kate Middleton's pregnancy sinks in, a sense of shock has emanated from sections of the public that William had the spunk for it. We took to the streets of somewhere that's not important to gauge the general feeli...
Read full storyRain in Spain falls mainly on the planes
Planes crossing through Spanish air space have been found to be the wettest in Europe. Meteorologists and air traffic controllers have been measuring precipitation in the vicinity of planes in recent years, and have observed that most rain in Spai...
Read full storySix Months In and Relationship Not Really Working Out the Way Expected Admits Man
Six months into their relationship Kevin MacDonald of Houston is beginning to think that Sonia Middlemass may not have been the catch he had initially hoped he thought she would be. In fact he is now regretting ever starting a relationship with t...
Read full storyAndy Coulson 'is Max Clifford's son' brouhaha
London - A caller to a Radio Free Barking chat show hosted by Isle of Dogs superstar DJ Bunny Scutt has caused mayhem on the airwaves. Giving his name only as 'Derrick' the irate whistleblower asked why PR guru-to-the-stars Sir Max Cliffhanger has...
Read full storyFord Offers 'Ejection Seating' to Fix Recalled Escapes
Dearborn, Michigan - It's been a rough road for the introduction of 2013 Ford Escape. First, the newly designed SUV was recalled because its gas pedal had a tendency to get stuck in the carpeting at awkward moments. Another recall was required for fl...
Read full storyEgyptian President Morsi Steps Down in Order to Reunite with The Smiths
In late-breaking news from conflict-torn Egypt, Egyptian president Mohammed Morsi has announced that he will step down from his presidency in order to reunite with his formerly very successful alternative rock band, The Smiths. In order to make th...
Read full storyKate Middleton Will Give Up Baby for Adoption
In an announcement that quickly set Hilltop Council Estate in Wigan ablaze with excitement, 17 year old Kate Middleton announced not only her pregnancy but that she was going to give up her child for adoption. In a tale of Kate's, while one happil...
Read full storyPR guru to the stars arrested
London - "OMG, has someone grassed him up about those damn Leylandii flanking Max's back yard?" was gardener Douggie Rustles' response to today's unexpected dawn knock on the front door by Operation Yewtree cops. The groundsman was speaking to QM-...
Read full storyGay Pills Wreck Life
A man from Portsmouth, currently living in Dundee but working in Hereford on a contract from a firm based in Wolverhampton but registered in Jersey for tax purposes, has blamed medication he took for Parkinson's disease for turning him into a homosex...
Read full storyEgypt without Cleopatra
Egypt, with 5000 years of history, is the oldest civilization. An heir to this great civilization is the newly-elected President Morsi. In the flesh, he may be a far cry from all the dead pharaohs. A quick examination can reveal the claim. Mohamed Morsi Isa El-Ayyat, born 20 August 1951, standing against pyramids, is not as tall as any mummy pharaoh. Additionally, his table manners contradict...
Read full storySales of Cookies and Snacks Sky Rocket in Washington State But Confusion Leaves One Dead In Washington DC
Stores across the State of Washington are reporting massive increases in the sale of cookies, potato chips, small cakes, pastries and ice cream with some grocery stores running out of supplies early this morning. Possession of up to an ounce of ma...
Read full storyGovernment to send long term sick abroad
Health secretary Jeremy Hunt today announced plans for the government to send the long term sick and those who are still classified disabled to mainland Europe and the USA. "We have struck a deal with two pharmaceutical companies." Mr Hunt told t...
Read full storyKate's baby: Due to Immaculate Conception
The baby Kate and William are expecting was not conceived as babies usually are. No, Kate had a visit from an angel one night and the result is a baby. "She was all in white - a white robe - and above her head was a very luminous halo. I theref...
Read full storyAn Amazing Dancing Fly Discovered In Mississippi
BILOXI, Mississippi - Everyone has heard of a Flea Circus, but the folks down in Biloxi, Mississippi, are all excited about a fly that was discovered on Cletis "Hooch" Collywobbles' hog farm. According to local veterinarian Dr. Herbert "Boo Boo" N...
Read full storyHank Williams Jr., To Release A Gay And Lesbian Album
NASHVILLE - Hank Williams Jr., says that he did not mean to offend gays and lesbians when he said that there are no gays and lesbians on farms, ranches, and out in the backwoods. Hank Jr., who was nicknamed Bocephus by his father the legendary cou...
Read full storyKaty Perry Says The Highly Erotic Photos of Her Were Meant For John Mayer Only
RENO, Nevada - Katy Perry was visiting an old friend in Reno when she was asked about the recent erotic photos that have been posted on the Internet. Perry looked at the snapshots and was taken aback. She said that her boyfriend, John "The Player"...
Read full storyThe Ellen DeGeneres - Portia de Rossi Marriage Has Hit Shaky Ground
BEVERLY HILLS - Word coming out of Tinsel Town is that there appears to be some unhappy rumblings in the Ellen and Portia DeGeneres marital household. A source close to the talk show host stated that a neighbor recently reported hearing some rathe...
Read full storyHipsters Celebrate The City's Newest Food Truck!
Dick's food truck is a friendly, family owned business that has recently sprung up in The City. Richard, the food truck owner, reports that business is swelling. Customers rave about the plentiful, mouth-watering fare. Promoted through word-of-mouth,...
Read full storyAlabama Man to Carry First Rape-Baby
Birmingham, AL - An Alabama man will be the first in the country to have a fetus which had been conceived through a legitimate rape, implanted into the wall of his stomach lining, saving the fetus from being aborted. He has been the only such man to...
Read full storyNew In The Cinema! The EXTENDABLES - Four Ex-Presidents Fight To Get Their Old Jobs Back!
NEW NEWS FROM THE SPOOF MOVIE DEPARTMENT- A new feature film from the U.S.- THE EXTENDABLES! Four ex-Presidents. Four hearts still filled with a passion for the game. Together they form a super team- THE EXTENDABLES!!!!!! The tale of first class Presidents now turned into first class fighting machines. Able to rip old legislation apart with their bare hands! Able to create new laws...
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