Victoria's Secret
An unlikely double-act huddled in the corner of the post-olympic tea party reception held at the British Embassy in Beijing found Boris and Becks hatching a plan to ensure that the Brits finish on the podium of the 2012 table tennis event. David d...
Read full storyZookeeper Sacked For Trying To Hide In Snake
A student zookeeper at a zoo in Venezuela has been sacked after he was discovered trying to hide inside a Burmese Python. Staff at the zoo, in Caracas, were alerted when they heard the man, Pedro Arteta, giggling. They pounced, and beat the snake...
Read full storyDenver UFO rattles Obama amid paper's 'JFK Jr faked death' claims
Denver, Colorado - (Extraterrestrial Mess): A mystery UFO buzzed Denver's Pepsi Center today amid breaking headlines in a Californian celeb paper claiming John F Kennedy Junior faked his fatal 1999 airplane crash. The La FagHagSlagMag story broke...
Read full storyNew Comet Not-So-New After All
Mount Palomar, California (IPP) - Astronomers have discovered a bright new comet which is being described as "not-so-new" after all. The comet was discovered in the constellation Ursa Major by the automated array system operating under very dark s...
Read full storyLas Vegas Issues Odds on Hurricane Gustav
Las Vegas, Nevada (IPP) - Odds makers at the Lost Wages Casino in Las Vegas are betting that New Orleans won't get it right when Hurricane Gustav, currently south of Haiti, approaches New Orleans as a category 4 or 5 hurricane in about six days. O...
Read full storyPrincess Eugenie Birthday Bash Mayhem
Princess Eugenie, youngest daughter of Prince Andrew and the Fergie Beast, celebrated her sixteenth birthday last week with a party of such spectacular extravagance to have stirred the envy of Lucullus. The Pirates of the Caribbean theme birthday...
Read full storyPrincess Margaret's Objects de Amour Sell for a Hundred Times their Value
Personal items of erotica, once belonging to Princess Margaret, have already raised over £9 million on the first day of a controversial Christie's auction. Further lots owned by the Queen's late sister will be sold off by her children, Viscount Da...
Read full storyBeijing Olympics hit by Organ Transplant Scandal
The booming transplant industry involving organs harvested from executed convicts in Chinese prisons reached renewed scandalous proportions today with allegations that demand has far exceeded supply and the organs of convicted criminals are being rem...
Read full storyCornish Pasty Crimper
Gary "I ain't afraid of no ghosts" Clitter, has finally found a safe haven after The Cornish Parliament gave the thumbs-up to Vietnam's favourite English Teacher and provided him a safe haven in Looe. The Stannary were apparently very pleased to h...
Read full storyHurricane Gustav Emits Mysterious Radio Signals
Miami, Florida (IPP) - The National Hurricane Center in Miami, Florida has received reports about a mysterious set of radio signals which seem to have originated from hurricane Gustav near Haiti. The signals were first picked up by the crew of a P...
Read full storyDisabled Tortoise Saved from Rubbish Tip
A 30-year-old disabled tortoise (ingrown toenails and harelip) unwittingly sent to a landfill site with its owner's rubbish, has been found alive. Sheldrake, a greater-crested Galapagos tortoise, owned by Gladys Hawksbill of Margate in Kent, clim...
Read full storyObama/Biden hire UK's Neil Kinnock for top campaign plagiarism post
Denver, Colorado Beetle - (Up Yer Arse Mess): Former UK Labour Party gingernut tosser Neil Kinnock has been hired by US presidential wannabes Barrack Obama and Joe Biden to plagiarise for them ahead of their November 2008 dreamticket campaign. Kin...
Read full storyAnt and Dec to Interview Royal Princes
It was announced by Clarence House this week that as part of the 30th anniversary celebrations for The Prince's Trust, HRH Prince Charles, and sons Wills and Harry (aka the Ginger Minger), will demean their Royal dignity to a fresh low in being inter...
Read full storyBiden's got B.O.
Denver, Colorado - (Fetid Ass Mess): "The whole thing stinks to high heaven of yet another Ratzinger alien implant," Dave Skank, political editor of LA FagHagSlagMag, said today as Barack 'B.O.' Obama schmoozed his Opus Dei Veep in front of a credul...
Read full storyNorth Atlantic Island Republic Defies IAEA Ruling
The sacred islet of Rockall this week stands embroiled in a diplomatic row with the International Atomic Energy Agency over its refusal to cease enrichment of fissionable fuel for the Hall's Ledge nuclear power station reactor. The IAEA claim the...
Read full storyMalaysian Man Deep Tongues King Cobra
Abdul Shahimi Stupidtwat, a Malaysian reptile halitosis consultant, set a new Guinness World Record today for kissing a poisonous snake 51 times in three minutes. The bizarre event, sponsored by Barmy Bastard Productions and Ripley's Believe It Or...
Read full storyBlack Child Cast as Monkey in School Play
A seven-year-old boy with a highly developed sun tan has been withdrawn from a school play by his mother after he was cast as a monkey. Mrs. Lorraine Kong took her son, King, out of a junior stage production of the 2001 hit movie Planet of the Ape...
Read full storyDownload-only songs now being sold in record shops
A download-only song from American rapper Bledd E Noize is being sold openly in shops across London, it was revealed today. The song, "Killing me softly with his Uzi ", despite being released in an exclusive MP3, download-only format, is now being...
Read full storyAcorah - "Diana Told Me to Slap Fayed"
Only days after returning to London following his assault on royal arse-licker Paul Burrell with a gateau worth $5,000, camp celebrity mystic Derek Acorah, who is often grammatically incorrect, has been at it again - this time in London. In sensa...
Read full storyNo Frills, No Air
Cheapskate airline, Ryan NO Air deprived 168 passengers of oxygen today. The flight plunged to 8,000ft AND because passengers hadn't paid an oxygen supplement Ryan Scare boss; Paddy O'Sleasy ordered crew to cut the emergency air supply. A spoke...
Read full storyBush Passes Mantle to McCain in lead-up to White House race
US President George W. Bush threw his full support behind Republican White House candidate John McCain yesterday, saying he was prepared to pass the presidential baton to the veteran senator from Arizona. "I believe that Senator McCain is ready to t...
Read full story2012 Olympic foreign athletics are learning to speak Urdu, not English
Many foreign athletics are now preparing for the 2012 Olympics to be held in London by learning Urdu, and surprisingly not English. Urdu language classes are becoming increasingly popular and are springing up from China to Paraguay as foreign ath...
Read full storyGeorge Michael "Cocks Up" in Manchester
In the latest embarrassing chapter in the saga of George Michael's dropped bollocks, the swarthy '80s popster reportedly forgot that he was supposed to be performing at his farewell concert at London's Earls Court on Sunday and had to be dragged from...
Read full storyFox News reporter scalped by phony Indian at Democratic Convention protest
Fox News reporter, Griff Jenkins, who was covering protests at the 2008 Democratic Convention, who had disappeared early that day was found this evening wandering aimlessly around the streets of Denver wearing only underwear and completely scalped.
Read full storyDirector of BAA admits it was all a mistake
The Director of BAA, the British Airports Authority, Mr Peter Flypast, has admitted that his company's ownership of several British airports including Heathrow, Gatwick and Edinburgh was all a big mistake. He said: "My wife, Mrs Flypast and I, wer...
Read full storyJohn McCain Chooses Bigfoot As Running Mate
Aug. 25, 2008 - In an attempt to deflect American voters' attention from the Democratic Party Convention, John McCain today announced his Vice Presidential running mate. With Barack Obama having named Joseph Biden two days ago, McCain named Bigfoot,...
Read full storyBigfoot Sighted in Wales
Cardiff Wales - A rare UK sasquatch sighting reported in Cardiff has been called a hoax by local citizens. Sensitive to the famous Cardiff Giant hoax of the past century the report was immediately investigated and debunked. The reported sighing of...
Read full storyJack Daniels to Reissue Tee-Shirt to Identify Assholes
Lynchburg Tennessee - Distiller Jack Daniels, under pressure from Conservative spokesman Rush Limbaugh, have agreed to reissue their famous traditional black Tee-shirt popularly worn by assholes until recently. Limbaugh and his right leaning group...
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