Survey Reveals Britain's Budget Supermarket Produce is 'Crap'
A shocking new survey has revealed that Britain's budget supermarkets sell nothing but cack, by and large. This will come as a shock to poor people in particular, who for years now, have been buying shoddy produce from these shysters and kidding...
Read full storyRaptors fans angry over Jackson's statement
Los Angeles, California.- Since the departure of Shaquille O'Neil from the Lakers, the team hasn't been the same. Even Kobe can't do much by himself and the rest of the players are just not good enough to take this team to the play-offs a...
Read full storyKen Livingstone worried over strikes
King of London, Ken Livingstone, is 'in a right two and eight guvnor', as news breaks tonight about wild-cat strikes among chapters of London's Pearly Kings and Queens.
Read full storySatirist Crosses Line Into Geekdom
DURHAM-The contumacious and utterly regenerative satirist, King David of Durham, in a move that didn't surprise anyone including himself, today crossed the line into official geekdom after he bought take-out at a local restaurant and brought it h...
Read full storyReports of Impresario's Death Greatly Exaggerated
Theatre Impresario Sir Kingston Bagpuize was today recovering from the shock of finding out that he hasn't actually died at all.
Read full storyTessa Jowl's husband pleads 'stigmata' defence
London - (Associated Mess): The estranged husband of UK Secretary of State for Vultures, Mediocrity and Spots Tessa Jowl is claiming an unusual religious defence in his Rome fraud trial where along with former Italian PM Silvia Berlusconi he is being...
Read full storyFake relics sold on eBay 'funding Labour Party'
London - (Associated Mess): The Metropolitan Police's Antiquities Division has warned that fake archaeological artefacts and hysterical memorabilia are being flogged on internet auction sites and are funding terror-related organisations like the...
Read full storyNovember 22nd a pivotal fate date?
London - (Associated Mess): On this day in 1963 in Dallas, Texas, George Bush Senior claimed in public he couldn't recall any of his whereabouts. But subsequently testified to the Warren Commission that he may have been in Dallas receiving medic...
Read full storyAfter Cutting Off Paul McCartney, Heather Mills Has More Amputations Planned
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. - Heather Mills McCartney stunned the world and TV host Dayna Devon, when she said: "I would rather someone come up and chop off all my limbs than go through what I went through." Mills offered her candid observations as...
Read full storySacked Santa Vows See You in Court
There's certainly not much ho ho ho this festive season down Knightsbridge way because Santa has been sent packing. London's top people's store is reeling with a scandal that my well just see them go to the wall or worse still!...
Read full storyGeneration X'er Admits Being Raised By TV, Computer and Microwave
SANTA BARBARA- In surprising news today, a young man admitted to being raised by a TV, computer and a microwave oven. Matthew Waynewright, 26, told reporters that most of his childhood was spent watching TV, playing computer games and cooking with th...
Read full storyHeather Mills Prays For Iraq Peace
Heather Mills has said she constantly is 'praying' for the safe recovery of 15 trapped Polish miners. Speaking on CNN, Miss Mills said, "I know rescuers in southern Poland are battling to reach those men, I am in constant contac...
Read full storyOJ Simpson Will Publish New Book: "If I Had Written a Book . . ."
LOS ANGELES - In another 180 degree about-face, ReganBooks, Fox TV and OJ Simpson say they will publish a new book with accompanying interview to replace the cancelled ones -- not about what OJ Simpson would have done if he had killed his wife, but...
Read full storyNBA, NFL, NHL, MLB, PGA and NASCAR Stars Compete for "World's Sexiest Trophy Wife"
NEW YORK - A coalition of major sports leagues are set to produce the largest professional cross-sports competition ever, "The World's Sexiest Trophy Wife." Sports historians say this is possibly the first step in creating a cross-sports Olympics f...
Read full storyDone up Like a Right Kipper
East End Gangster, Ed "Stick 'em" Knifeman, is said to be totally off his trolley and flaming livid with ill-concealed rage at having been 'done up like a kipper' at the hands of a police 'nark'.
Read full storyX Marx The Spot for Alien Visitation
The Marx Brothers were in fact a group of sinister visitors from another world! That's the bonkers claim being made by a post-graduate student at Cambridge University.
Read full storyDyslexic Cat Reunited With Disabled Boy Who Lost Mother To Lightning
Legally blind paraplegic runaway William Ryan, 10, made an incredible solo trek from New York City to a Pennsylvania farm where his father had sent the family cat, police said yesterday.
Read full storyPresidential Hopes Dashed for TV's Cosmo Kramer
LOS ANGELES - Michael Richards of Seinfeld fame, announced Tuesday that he is withdrawing from consideration for the 2008 Republican Presidential primaries after being assailed by criticism from both major parties for racially derogatory outbursts ma...
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