After Cutting Off Paul McCartney, Heather Mills Has More Amputations Planned

Funny story written by Douglas Salguod

Wednesday, 22 November 2006

image for After Cutting Off Paul McCartney, Heather Mills Has More Amputations Planned
McCartney is reportedly worried about being cut off

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. - Heather Mills McCartney stunned the world and TV host Dayna Devon, when she said: "I would rather someone come up and chop off all my limbs than go through what I went through." Mills offered her candid observations as part of an interview with Devon, in a world exclusive with the US news show Extra: The Entertainment Magazine.

After some reflection on her amputation comment, Mills told Devon, "I would also like to cut off my nose to spite my face."

The former model, who married and is now divorcing Paul McCartney, lost a leg in a motorcycle accident in 1993. Mills still insists she'd give up all her limbs if she could avoid the pain, heartache and the attacks on her character that came during her relationship with the former Beatle.

Said Mills, "If your limbs are chopped off, you get another limb and there's light at the end of the tunnel. When you're vilified for doing nothing but falling in love with an icon. . . . I'd rather have all of my limbs cut off . . . that's the God's honest truth."

On some further consideration, Mills said she did want to recant part of her statement. "I really didn't consult with God about His views so I shouldn't have brought Him into it. But after being married to a 'cultural icon,' it's hard not to think in terms of the divine truth of your own thoughts."

And the whole experience of falling for McCartney, marrying him and then splitting from him has put her off marriage for life. Mills says: "I'm not saying that I wouldn't fall madly in love or have a soulmate or anything like that, but I would never go through this again. It's too devastating."

The worst part of it all, said Mills, is all the publicity. Mills said she could only hope her Extra interview would help.

Mills also said she has learned a lot going through "this meatgrinder" she's been through.

"After talking to Anna Nicole Smith, we have both decided that marrying for money is just not worth it," concluded Mills.

Mills, as late as last month, had been consistently ranked as the third most despised Beatles spouse, just behind Paul's deceased wife Linda. Public opinion analysts now say Mills has moved up into a dead-heat for number one with Yoko Ono.

Copyright 2006 Douglas Salguod

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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