Drunk float drivers invade parade
Canton Ohio, police were alerted to trouble during a local parade when they were inundated with 911 phone calls.
Read full storyEvery Little Helps: Retail Giant takes on Sex Sector
It looks like the gloves will soon be off in the world of shopping for sex as retail giant Tescoses is set to take on filthy dirty old hoor Anne Summers.
Read full storyBritney, Paris, Jessica and Christina have lesbian thoughts
Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson and Christina Aguilera all have lesbian thoughts. Not necessarily about each other but at some point in their lives if recent studies are to be believed.
Read full storyHalliwell Puts Famous Dress Up For Auction
Not to be outdone by the Aubrey Heartburn's 'little black number' that recently sold for nearly half a million quid, ex-Spice Girl Jerry Halliwell has put her famous union jack dress cum belt up for sale too.
Read full storyBorat, Geller send in the lawyers over Cheney sperm donor smears
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Leading Rovian ambassador and sometime Kazakh comedian Mr Borat has issued a stiff rebuke via his lawyers after press allegations in the UK that he is the sperm donor responsible for impregnating Dick Cheney's daughter...
Read full story"No Shop" List Next Step in Securitizing America
North Portsmouth, RI - The department of Homeland Security today announced the start of an expanded terrorist identification program, the new measures to be put into service at grocery stores and shopping malls.
Read full storyMore US Citizens Believe In Santa Claus Than In White House Iraq Victory Plan
(Washington--D.C.) In a CNN/USA Today poll, 53% of Americans polled believed more in Santa Claus than in victory in Iraq. And with a survey question also including belief in the Grinch and Snoopy, the number rose to 58%. The White House was quick to...
Read full storyTop Gear test drive world's first 4WD Fanny
BBC's Top Gear last night took the world's first 4WD Fanny for a test drive and claimed it was absolutely fanny-tastic!...
Read full storyThings That Go Bump In The Night
Top TV psychic Derek Acorah is smarting after allegations that he is in fact a charlatan and shyster.
Read full storyBranson's New Trains Cause Problems For Travellers
Top entrepreneurial Catweazle looky-likey, Richard Branston, is today at the centre of a storm that's weighing in at about a 7.8 on the Richter scale, if indeed a storm can be measured by the Richter scale. We're not entirely sure but you get...
Read full storyFlatulence blamed for Blair's plane diversion
North Atlantic Ocean - (Ass Mess): A plane of the Queen's Flight carrying Prime Monster Tony Blair had to be diverted en route to Washington DC tonight after cabin staff reported a strange whiff of suspected Polonium 210 fumes coming from the VIP...
Read full storyNew survey reveals that living is bad for you
A new survey, published by the R.B.O (Research into the Bleeding Obvious) organisation has found that being alive can lead to almost every disease known to man. The doctors and substitute chemistry teachers who produced the report have advised that t...
Read full storySo who inseminated Cheney's daughter?
Washington DC (Ass Mess): Reports that US Vice President Dick Cheney's daughter Mary is pregnant have been met with a flurry of activity on the political spread-betting website Aintgottaprayer.com.
Read full storyBaked Beans off The Menu As Brown Unveils Flatulence Tax
The chancellor today unveiled a raft of new taxation to deal with the growing threat from greenhouse gases and global warming.
Read full storyDon't let your sex tape do your talking for you!
I thought it would last forever. What's more, I loved her. As they say in my neighborhood: How was I supposed to know the hooch was gon' all up and trip on my ass and dis me on the Internet - MySpace? - Hell, it ain't got nothing to do with you; it's got to do with these websters all over the net talkin' trash about everybody. And that's why I let some friends post our...
Read full storyGovernment reveal plans to privatise orphanages
In a bid to curb spiralling public spending and rejuvenate the inner cities, the Government has revealed plans to privatise orphanages.
Read full storyVatican launches Xmas market best-seller Creationist video game
Vatican City - (Ass Mess): The Vatican is on to a winner! The Pontifical Office for Hysterical Records has launched its very own Creationist video game that has gone straight to the number one slot in the Xmas market.
Read full storyThe Art of Striptease
Oslo - (Ass. Mess): It took five senior Norwegian Appeals judges approximately one hundred hours each of in-situ evidence taking to decide that striptease is an art-form and thus zero-rated for taxation purposes.
Read full storyHeather Mills strikes Gold
The oldest Gold Miner in Britain Jack O'Grady has died at age 99, instantly making Heather Mills as the only known heir to his priceless gold mine.
Read full storyMidgets irate about top shelf pornography
Leading midget rights activist and circus entertainer 'Leggy' O'Toole accused the Government of discrimination today in a row over top shelf pornography.
Read full storyBrown to tax elderly and infirm
Smokers and drinkers of Britain were raising a glass to Gordon Brown today as he relaxed the duty on cigarettes and alcohol in last nights budget.
Read full storyJessica Simpson declares: I have a vagina too!
Nashville, The press mistakenly attributed Jessica Simpson's recent crying jag to blowing the lines of the song, 9 to 5. Simpson was performing the tune in front of her childhood hero Dolly Parton as a tribute. It seemed Jessica, despite having c...
Read full storyBaby Barron Trump Sets Sights on Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
But it's all business. The eight-month-old son of Donald Trump and wife Melania already owns his own company, CelebBabySpy.
Read full storySexy Midget first space stewardess
Virgin Galactic announced the candidate selected to be the first stewardess in space.
Read full storyBotham Slams Sorry England
Ian Botham has slammed England's sorry performance in the second test in Calcutta against the Aussies.
Read full storyBackscatter X-Ray Machine Malfunctions- Floods Internet With X-Rated Pictures Including You Know Who
Authorities say that one of the Backscatter X-Ray machines at Sky Harbor International Airport malfunctioned today sending pictures of a whole database of naked passengers onto the internet.
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