Belgian terrorist targets Pope and Paisley
Famous Belgian anarchist and custard pie-thrower, Noel Godin, has vowed to target the Pope AND Ian Paisley if the suggested second visit by the Pope to Northern Ireland goes ahead. The Pope has been a long-term target for Godin whose organisation hu...
Read full storyCIA Reveals Satan Met With Bin Laden in 2001, Is Harboring Terrorists in Hell
WASHINGTON, DC-- George Bush has been having trouble Proving Osama Bin Laden met with Saddam Hussein, but top CIA officials this week revealed that they have uncovered proof the Al Qaeda leader had met with Satan, (AKA Lucifer, Prince of Darkness, Be...
Read full storyESPN Formally Apologizes to Utopiafootball
Several months ago on his ESPN Radio show Sportscenter Anchor Dan Patrick proclaimed that McPherson College could make a claim for the Sugar Bowl on a list comprised of who beat who during the 2003 College Football season. Patrick made reference to...
Read full storyFluoride Out; Cities Can Choose What To Add to Drinking Water
The Bush administration has ended fluoride's monopoly on city drinking water and is ready to allow every major US city to add one medication from an HMO-approved list to its water supply effective immediately.
Read full storyExcerpts from the memoirs of John Devonshire, Esq.
Chapter III – Never Trust a Big Butt and a Smile June 23, 1892 (Friday)...
Read full storyDonald Rumsfeld Fired! Embarks on New Career as Rap Mogul
"Donald Rumsfeld is out of a job!"...
Read full storyMan Who Hates Football Suddenly Likes Football, Actually
Robert Bolton, an IT sales executive, credit control assistant or retail analyst from somewhere like Chester or Chesterfield announced today that he doesn't hate football, he likes it, actually.
Read full storyL'Oreal Scientists Discover New Elements
PARIS: Scientists from the L'Oreal Institute of Cosmetic Research yesterday announced that they had discovered and named two new chemical elements - Nutrileum™ and Boswelox™. The news threatens to render millions of chemistry textbooks obsolete,...
Read full storyTyson's broke and still stupid
ELBOW, Ariz. -- Alone and downtrodden, former heavyweight great Mike Tyson is beginning to realize how stupid he was and, now broke, is opening up to how stupid he still is.
Read full storyJoel Sues Clinton Over "My Life" Memoirs Title
Attorneys representing singer Billy Joel have filed suit in federal court claiming that the title of former President Bill Clinton memoirs, "My Life" is taken directly from Joel's 1978 hit song, "My Life".
Read full storySays who?
Former British Prime Minister Harold Wilson was once quoted as saying, "I'm an optimist, but I'm an optimist who carries a raincoat." However, Wilson has been photographed hundreds of times without a raincoat under his arm, defying his words and making historians wonder if he ever wore under pants. French writer Robert Mallet said, "Many pessimists end up by desiring...
Read full storyDon't care what anyone thinks about you
Opinions, it is said, are like elbows—everyone has two. Well, perhaps there are a few more one-armed men or women out there who have one, but that is the business of fictional characters like Richard Kimble, not me. I am concerned with criticism and you should be, too, because it usually doesn’t amount to a hill of beans what other people think of you. Let me spin a story for you that exemplifies...
Read full storyBritish Scientists Prove America is 'OK'
CAMBRIDGE, UK (AP) -- After the shock results of the US Presidential Election 2000 the consensus among British scientists was that Americans were both mad and evil. During a two-year study The Cambridge University Research Group sought to test wheth...
Read full storyMusic World Stunned as Sting Says "I Quit."
He has sold records by the dozen in a career spanning four decades, but today rock star Sting announced he would be quitting the music business for good. In a well choreographed interview with an acne infested MTV presenter, Sting explained the reas...
Read full storyAirport Security Measures Cause Athlete's Foot
Studies released today indicate that heightened international airport security measures may be contributing to an increased number of foot fungus cases, commonly known as athlete's foot.
Read full storyPoland slices up the opposition
Poland's sour dough rye bread with caraway seeds is the globe's new top loaf.
Read full storyWhat's with the Bush's Administration's Interest in Torturing Prisoners?
June 2004 . . . (A serious thought to ponder because American lives have been and are at stake.) Someone rescue me from Administrative Illogic:...
Read full storyCubs Fan Finalizes Deal with Satan
Early this morning news broke from hell that a deal has been finalized between Satan and a Chicago man that will result in a guaranteed trip to the World Series for the Chicago Cubs.
Read full storyMike Tyson to Host Reality Series, Faces Lawsuits
A day after regaining his license to fight in the state of New Jersey, former heavyweight champion of the world Mike Tyson announced that he has begun taping a reality show titled "Black Eye for the White Guy" for the Bravo network. The sho...
Read full storyCows and Pigs Demand Unified Language for Sandwiches
Washington, DC--US cows and pigs today demanded a unified language for those long sandwiches consisting of cured meat and mustard or ketchup on crusty bread.
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