Claire Rayner's Glass Eye Collection Stolen: Lloyd-Webber Prime Suspect.
The usually upbeat face of evangelical agony aunt Claire Rayner was downcast today at a press conference where she decried the theft of her glass eye collection from her home in Windsor. She stated that the collection, which was ordinarily stored in...
Read full storyCode Cracked in Erik Satie's Piano Music
Philadelphia, PA--A doctoral-level classical piano student as the Curtis Institute here in Philadelphia has discovered the true meaning of Satie's directions to musicians.
Read full storyHer Majesty not amused at bad punctuation
Abuse and misuse of the English language are now punishable by fines.
Read full story"Osama Bin Laden Is My Son!"
ST PETERSBURG. Workers excavating a basement in the old city came across an old photo album that has left local historians astonished. "It appears that we have found pictures of the infamous Rasputin, many of which have notes and interesting sto...
Read full storyBush says win or not, he's staying President
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In an ultra-positive statement today before leaving the White House for a dinner at a local Denny's with wife Laura, President Bush said he was not concerned about the upcoming election because he won't leave the Presidenc...
Read full storyEbert and McCartney share 62nd birthday party
CHICAGO -- Toasting to old, dead partners and the mystery of their youths, ex-Beatle Paul McCartney and movie critic Roger Ebert celebrated their 62nd birthdays together in the Second City.
Read full storyJonathan Franzen and Oprah Winfrey Collaborate on Book
Los Angeles, CA--Author Jonathan Franzen and television personality Oprah Winfrey have written a book together, which is scheduled to be released next week in hardcover for $24.95. It will be available at all major bookstores but will not be promoted...
Read full storyKlingon Empire Announces Hostile Takeover of Paramount Pictures
The Klingon High Council announced its plans for a hostile takeover of Paramount Pictures, the Earth company which owns the hugely successful "Star Trek" franchise.
Read full storyLost Tribe of Israel Found!
Members of the 1st Infantry division patrolling the Syrio-Arabian desert stumbled across an encampment of what they originally thought as Bedouin nomads. Reporter Seymour Cheet, embedded with the 1st ID reports “These guys looked like they stepped out of the history books, they had no modern clothing and have never met or seen our type of people before" Further questioning and investig...
Read full storyKerry's name spelled correctly at rally
DANFORTH, Ind. -- Presidential candidate John Kerry was elated on a campaign stump through the Midwest to discover that all of the signs that support him spelled his name correctly.
Read full storySpice Girls re-form, paracetamol sales restricted
]News that the Spice Girls are to perform a reunion tour has prompted the UK government to restrict the sales of paracetamol and razor blades. Music lovers are also to be banned from tall buildings. Prozac prescriptions are also...
Read full storyThe George Bush White House: At War with The Republican Party
The Bush White House is finding itself in a position it never thought it would be in...not only is it locked in a some times neck and neck, some times losing battle with Democrat John Kerry, it is also fighting off a challenge from the center wing of...
Read full storyGoose Leads or Els
With two South Africans leading the way at the halfway mark of the US Open, it is time to accept that in golf South Africa are up there with best.
Read full storyNader Blames Gore for His 2000 Election Loss
"If he hadn't run, I would be in office and we wouldn't have any of the problems we have now," said Independent Presidential candidate Ralph Nader in a press conference today. "But no, instead he had to run and 48% of Americans...
Read full storyNew York Yankees to purchase Boston Red Sox
6/20/2004, New York (AP): In an unprecedented move, even for Steinbrenner, the New York Yankees will now be purchasing the entire Boston Red Sox team for $950 million. Said Steinbrenner, "They've got a ton of amazing players that my team definitely could use. Plus, with the amount of money we've been spending to stay out in front of these guys, it was more cost effective just t...
Read full storyPresident Bush to Retire
After three and a half years on the job, US President George W. Bush has finally decided to hang up his coat.
Read full storyDeerfield See Errors
Gaylord, MI - June 19, 2004 - Deerfield announces that they finally made a mistake in their marketing ventures. They said that they have lost a lot of business ever since they started selling their Visnetic line of products. A spokesperson for sa...
Read full storyJesus to Replace Seinfeld in Superman Ad Campaign
UP--In an announcement earlier today, American Express revealed that after creative differences with current spokesperson Jerry Seinfeld, the comedian would be replaced in the current Superman advertising campaign. The company then shocked everyone b...
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