London - "Expect an astrological tsunami to sweep the nation," London skywatchers said today ahead of Friday's Moon/Uranus conjunction of sudden, shocking events. The aspect marks the 66th anniversary of Hitler's wedding to Eva Braun in a marriage...
Berks - Astrologers working on Prince William's wedding chart reckon he's ploughing his own succession furrow - as a classic swastika formation of Lyrid meteor shower straddlles Windsor skies this Easter weekend. The annual celestial lightshow occ...
London - A chilling Libra Full Moon and ominous Mars/Saturn clash mark the start of Samantha Cameron's fifth decade on Monday. "It's a stark astrological dilemma, like," a Downing Street tarot consultant said today, "and it's gnawing away at Sam's...
Washington - A Sun/Pluto clash will showcase the evening's Jupiter/Saturn opposition as the President takes the podium at Washington's National Defense University. "Sure, we'd have preferred the speech next Sunday, April 3rd," paranoiacs at CIA di...
Germany - The four year-old polar fluffball died mysteriously in his Berlin Zoo compound just hours before the Vernal Equinox. The heartbreaking demise has shocked zoo officials, some of whom are still reeling from the unexpected sudden death of h...
South Coast - The Woman of the Apocalypse image straight out of the Book of Revelation (12:1-18) has appeared on the face of the gigantic full moon. Bearing all the hallmarks of Biblical prophecy the Lunar Madonna's sighting fulfills an ancient p...
London - The equinoctial rollercoaster countdown begins today amid reports that 'articles spumed from the wrecked nuke plants' will affect 9 out of 10 of the tabloid's readers. Radioactive fumes being carried on a wave of hysteria have already pen...
London - Billions of dollars' trade were lost this morning as a crippling Sun/Mercury conjunction at six degrees Pisces brought chaos to the LSE floor. The water sign conjunction has always been a bit of a Bermuda Triangle - especially when accomp...
London - (Pie-in-the-Sky): They went to court to try and stop it because of massive black hole and red dwarf fears in HM's zodiac chart. But Monday's meet-up between NASA's Stardust-NExT spacecraft and Comet Tempel-1 Mount will take place regardle...
Hong Kong - (Bunny Boiler): Thursday's Chinese New Year of the Rabbit sees bellicose war god planet Mars fire up the Aquarius trifecta of Sun, Moon and Neptune. The alignment is seen with trepidation by superstitious Hong Kong city sources who war...
Sandringham, Norfolk - (Lèse Majesté): Palace officials have taken the precaution of removing sharp objects, toxins and non-prescription stimulants that have propped up her useless - and largely fictitious - reign. Fears that Queen Elizabeth may t...
London - (Filibuster Biz): In Westminster tonight members of the House of Lords have hunkered down for the first all-nighter in a decade. They have been told the talking will not stop until the deed is done - which at the current pace is unlikely...
As zodiac signs change and shift, Geminis are literally going mental over the new astrology. The coming of Ophiuchus has provoked a worldwide psychological crisis for double personality, bi-sexual, bipolar, bifocal, bi-cultural, bicycle riding Gemini...
Astrologists and tattoo artists are cashing in on the first innovation to their bullsh-t pseudo-science in 3,000 years, following the recent news that the traditional Zodiac schedule was changing. Astronomer Parke Kunkle, who spent the day masturb...
Astrologers remain divided about the increasing number of people choosing to undergo Star Sign Reassignment. As little as ten years ago it was believed that natal charts were fixed at the time of birth, and that lives would inevitably follow the c...
Sandringham, Norfolk - (Aneurysms): The imminent solar eclipse is playing havoc with the Queen, who has been diagnosed Whorse de Combat with congenital swine flu. Palace physicians fear her Circle of Wallis arteries at the base of the brain have b...
New York - (Supernova News): A Bull Run message from the Gods? World financial markets are on a knife edge ahead of Tuesday's stunning Capricorn solar eclipse. The phenomenon is empowered by the kind of unprecedented, non-Clintonian comeback ki...
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