Toxic Japanese plume to reach Daily Mail readers 'by the Spring Equinox'

Written by queen mudder

Friday, 18 March 2011

image for Toxic Japanese plume to reach Daily Mail readers 'by the Spring Equinox'
Something big will blow civilization as we know it

London - The equinoctial rollercoaster countdown begins today amid reports that 'articles spumed from the wrecked nuke plants' will affect 9 out of 10 of the tabloid's readers.

Radioactive fumes being carried on a wave of hysteria have already penetrated some of the Red Top's columnists.

They warn the first stage of mass contamination is likely to occur by Saturday's 18:10GMT Pisces full moon - slap bang in the middle of a BBC2 Escape to the Country repeat.

By 19:39GMT a World War II-style creeping paranoia may affect audiences of ITV's Ant & Dec's Push the Button who have decided to abandon a traditional Dad's Army psychotic episode.

This could then peak around 21:05GMT with Channel 4's airing of The Happening - about 'baffling' suicides sweeping New York in the first signs of an impending global crisis.

The actual Vernal Equinox at 23:20GMT on Sunday night will probably be just too much for Mail on Sunday readers, invariably first to show tell-tale symptoms of toxic scaremongering.

"Something big's about to blow civilization as we know it," last week's Sunday Smearer editorial predicted.

The Sun conjoins Uranus at 1-degrees Aries at Monday lunchtime.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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