Cornwall - Local scrimshaw foragers said today a decapitated horse's head on a Cornwall beach had three Prince of Wales albatross feathers stuck in its snout. It was found washed up on Pentegwam Bay just weeks after a mutilated pregnant mare's co...
Manchester - "Saw its backside, like, and had to call it Pippy," was the lame explanation ahead of the two year-old's debut at Chester racecourse on Wednesday. The Australian Exceed And Excel-sired colt out of US mare Night Shift was snapped up by...
Newmarket - The mysterious owner of a filly that died at Newmarket's starting stalls rejoices in the name of Mr H R Mould. This afternoon Gray Pearl, the jewel in his crown of Thousand Guineas aspirations, was tragically struck down on the Rowley...
The 2012 Grand National was won by a horse, we can sensationally reveal, in a nail biting race which went right to the finish line. The horse, a grey one, came first over forty other horses to win the world renowned National Hunt handicap steeplechas...
Cheltenham, Gloucs - Deprived of insider betting tips from jump racing's tipping grand masters Charlie and Rebekah Brooks the Queen went with her gut feeling this afternoon to back 20/1 no hoper Wishful Thonking. Witnesses say HM blithely placed a...
Under pressure British Prime Minister David Cameron held a press conference today to deny having sex with a horse lent to Rupert Murdoch lacky Rebecca Crooks by the Metropolitan Police. Mr Cameron was in Brussels for yet another EU summit, but the...
Ned the horse was taken to horse-pital (sorry) last night after falling off TV presenter Lorraine Kelly. Ned and Kelly were filming for a new reality show 'Celebrities On Horses'. Ned explained to the Racing Post "Lorraine came to pick me up from...
Race horses have been given names like Happen-stance Roadwork and Mountaineer Roadblock the Fifth for far too long according to the Equine Naming Institute. "It is getting sillier and sillier," said Hopwood Felicitous, co-ordinator of horse names...
In a bid to resolve the Jockey's Dispute the British Horse Racing Authority have agreed terms for Max Mousey to become their President. Big Max declared he was all for the whip and people should be allowed to get pleasure from watching horses whip...
Ascot - Another racing disaster struck today following the abject failure of talked-up royal nag Carlton House in the Epsom Derby seven weeks ago. Punters at Ascot racecourse were left reeling as King George second favorite Rewilding, ridden by Fr...
When Rebekah Brooks's husband Charlie published his first book in 2009, David Cameron, Rupert Murdoch and Guy Ritchie attended the launch at Nincompoop, the West End nightclub. The complex novel,called Fillies, covered a world Brooks knew well as...
Lord Humphrey Nonce QC was left cursing his bad luck at Royal Ascot yesterday. The 'Sporting Judge', who part owns a leg of the game filly Kinky Afro, watched as the nag pulled up short in The Buckingham Palace Stakes over 7 Furlongs. With the...
Ascot - Online bookmaker RoyalMugPunter.con is still awaiting settlement of Derby Day IOUs on disastrous royal no-hoper Carlton House. House of Windsor losses are said to account for much of the £50 million that bookies raked in when French-traine...
London - A poll of snooty TV battleaxes has seen the BBC's Clare Balding voted Top Female Crawler. The 40 year-old sports broadcaster narrowly pipped BBC Springbotch presenter Kate Humble into second place. Crinkly-haired blond Kate's entirely...
Berkshire - A new twist beckons on the June 1st solar eclipse that fooled Queen Elizabeth into backing her third-rate Derby no-hoper Carlton House. Wednesday's eclipsed full moon is likely to do just as much damage to royal mug punters determined...
Epsom - The Queen's runner Carlton House is whors de combat tonight ahead of shifting starry patterns before the big race. Antepost punters were already wary this morning as news of its sprained ankle took the market by storm. Now the rapidly c...
London - Astrological glyphs for a sun/moon occultation have sprung up, crop circle-like, on Carlton House Terrace lawns ahead of Wednesday's Gemini solar eclipse. The 11 degrees Gemini phenomenon occurs at the best possible angle to the the plane...
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