It was reported this week from those stupid bureaucratic idiots in Brussels that the new European laws concerning the age old schoolboy practice of 'conkering' have been reviewed. European representative and once TV heartthrob Robert Killjoy Silk...
International torch relays have been scrapped for future Olympics, says the olympic committee. Problems with protestors and heavy-handed policing of the relay preceding the last Olympics have been given as the reasons. However, the committee has...
There was consternation and alarm today at a cosmetics factory when a worker fell into a vat containing 3,000 gallons of Boswellox. Luckily the substance is non-existant, just one of hundreds of made-up ingredients used by the 30-billion-pounds-a-yea...
Cops and council officials are probing complaints from neighbours about a bungalow operating as a sex dungeon, reports claim. The home, in a posh street in Kent, was reportedly advertised on a website as 'The House of Pleasure and Pain' and is bel...
A man has been seriously injured in an accident whilst pulling a Christmas cracker at his home in Rotherham, South Yorkshire. Herbert Stigfold, 83, a lonely old man who lives on his own, had found a box of crackers round the back of the local Wool...
County Downwind, Ireland - This lush Irish countryside, once brown as far as the eye could see with pig farms, now lies empty and desolate in the wake of the recent devastating tainted pork recall. The Irish government has acted quickly to recall...
The Health And Safety Executive today issued a stern warning to Santa Claus, to the effect that that he must desist from utilising unsafe practices whilst conducting his annual present delivering bonanza. 'We're not having him driving his sleigh t...
Blueberry Hill, Ontario, Canada - Plagued by numerous class action suits, Canada's leading cell phone giant has instructed its lawyers to settle out of court. In a dramatic announcement, spokesperson Briar Patch revealed that an amicable settlement h...
London - Ambulance driver Colin Wright has been reprimanded for allowing his wife Eleanor from driving with him while on duty. Mr. Wright and his wife had reconciled personal transportation issues by having Eleanor join Colin on his daily shift of du...
A new 'World's Tallest Building' has been built, this time in India. Rising to 740 metres, and surpassing the 162-storey Burj Dubai, it stands 170 storeys high, but its most notable feature is that it has been constructed entirely of Cow Dung. The...
Health and Safety officials are set to ban the use of anvils in all cartoons. Mr Christopher Lod from the organisation 'Safety in Cartoons' has issued the statement. 'We at S.I.C would like the complete ban of Anvils from cartoons. We feel that th...
The man who wrote the internet, and whose expertise is linked to it 24 hours a day, caused worry and annoyance yesterday due to him falling in the bath. The internet was down for over two hours. Engineers tried desperately to re-route the wiri...
A week after completing a three day government-approved training course in Corporate First Aid and Health and Safety, Jeff Birks, a Junior Credit Controller for InfoTech Systems Inc., expressed frustration that he had yet to be called into action.
Oscar Pistorius, the double-amputee South African athlete should not be allowed to run in the 4X400m Olympic Relay in Beijing, as he is a Health & Safety risk, and could scythe the legs off other runners, says a lead...
Television broadcaster, wearer of ill-fitting shirts and extreme mullet-head, Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen, has been declared a hazard to public health by the government's Health and Safety Executive.
A disabled trainee fireman, who has been training at a fire station for the past 6 years, is suing the Health and Safety Executive because they are banning him from qualifying as a fireman.
Health Secretary Big B. Johnson has said an "accommodation" will be reached for MPs who are opposed to parts of a controversial embryo research bill.
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