Ottawa, Ontario - (Reuterus): A predicted July 1st karma-assisted suicide of pointless cold war throwback Queen Elizabeth II is gaining momentum. Royal Canadian Hellfire Club soothsayers reckon a highly gratuitous Canada Day state visit has been...
Enter Sir Wayne Rooney, the Queen has decided to give him a knighthood for his devoted services to Queen and country! Elizabeth, now entering a slightly demented phase in her life followed England's misfortunes on the telly against the old enemies...
London - (OMG! Mess): The three inch 20 carat Star of Hindustan accidentally got caught in HM's throat amid the shock of a tosser ref's disallowed Frank Lampard goal. "Orf with his head!" the Queen cried just as the fastener of the 1901 Boucheron...
London - (Balls Up Mess): An entirely gratuitous visit by HM the hoaxer monarch to Wimbledon today is hexing Andy Murray's chances. The posturing grand slam wannabe's Centre Court bid against Finland's Jarkko Nieminen now looks doomed. Critics...
The Queen took revenge today on snot-nosed, misery Andy Murray by blowing on a Vuvuzela everytime he served a ball on the Centre Court at Wimbledon. The number four seed won his match in straight sets against Czech Jan Hazek but clearly looked vex...
Lonson - (Harakiri Mess): A fragile post-Budget mental state and Wednesday's ominous aspects between the Sun and Jupiter - planet of monarchy and immense oil/gas reserves - may see Queen Elizabeth finally consigned to landfill. Astrologers say an...
Glorious England, trembled, swayed, buckled, then forced a stiff upper lip after the apocalyptical news that three (3) of the Tower Ravens were absent at morning muster today prompting a call for an emergency Parliamentary Meeting by con-joined heads...
London - (Fascist Mess): BNP leader Nick Griffin is to ride with the Queen in the 1902 State Landau on Thursday. The seat of honor on Royal Ascot's Ladies Day carriage parade is usually reserved for foreign dignitaries like President Mugabe and Po...
Ascot - (Whorsewhisperers): Stuff the odds on what color hat HM might be wearing for the first day's racing at Royal Ascot tomorrow. Paddy Pow-Wow.con bookmakers are going one better and are reporting a 'Chinese wall of money' on the Queen faili...
England and West Ham United goalkeeper Robert Green has received a CBE from the Queen in recognition for his outstanding performance in goal against the USA in the World Cup. The Queen, who is a big German football fan, was delighted to see the En...
RUSTENBERG, South Africa - Royalistic Sand Grouse Stadium was the sight of one of the most anticipated World Cup games of the 2010 FIFA World Cup Finals. The Three Lions from Britain were pitted against The Three Tigers from The USA. And when the...
The queen has sensationally won a game of poker against the treasury that is set to cost the taxpayer an eye-watering £1 billion pounds. So desperate is the new government to raise money that George Osbourne invited her majesty to No11 for a 'cord...
Edinburgh - (Holy Cow!): The offspring of Queen Elizabeth and Pope Joe Ratzinger is still pissed at years of childhood deprivation caused by her absentee father's monumental stinginess. Redtop reports she would be singing 'Ave Maria' at an open ai...
A mercy mission, led by the Queen with the Duke of Edinburgh, to take much needed materials to the beleagured enclave of Gaza, has set sail on HMS Britania. Prince Philip quipped to reporters at the dockside: "If the Turks can do it, the Greeks must...
Buckingham Palace announced today that the Queen has sent a gift of a Commemorative Diary to US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. A spokesperson for The Palace told reporters that the Queen was personally concerned about the deteriorating 'speci...
Windsore - (Bastards Mess): Queen Elizabeth was still in hiding this morning as a DNA test showed deranged Cumbria psychopath Derrick Bird is really her bastard son. Fifty years of spooks' cover-ups, whitewashes and traditional obfuscation have fa...
The announcement was finally made today that The Queen will be replacing Simon Cowell as judge on next year's American Idol. This poorly guarded secret was today confirmed by HRH The Prince of the Isle of Man, James Hoppity: "We are proud and plea...
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