Ascot - (Whorsewhisperers): Stuff the odds on what color hat HM might be wearing for the first day's racing at Royal Ascot tomorrow.
Paddy Pow-Wow.con bookmakers are going one better and are reporting a 'Chinese wall of money' on the Queen failing to show up for the Grope One St James's Palace Stakes 'due to the unfortunate business of being dead'.
Rival internet spread-betting site Aintgottaprayer.con also go even money on Old Fatty Mountbatten's dropping dead.
But their top tipster Dave Mug-Punter reckons this may not actually deter Buckingham Palace from stuffing the corpse into a closed carriage and carrying on as usual.
"They did that for years with the old Queen Mum," the website's racing genius commented today.
"Some sort of electronic gadgetry made sure she waved to the crowds every few seconds during the carriage parade," Mug-Punter explained.
"In the Royal Box the Queen Mother was always screened off in such a way that from the outside it looked like she was swigging champers from a pint mug while watching the gee-gees with through old fashioned opera lorgnettes.
"Puffing on a 12 inch Cohiba was the ultimate stroke of genius."
Frankie Dettori is 69.
