Surrey - (Grand Prix): An outbreak of auto-erratic hysteria has seen the company recall its fleet amid complaints the follow-on formula-won buggies had become unhinged. A complete overhaul is now planned, grounding the marque's boy-racers and 2009...
As Captain Pitstop started his eighth Irish whiskey of the day in the Mansell Monkey bar in downtown Kuala Lumpur, his friend Jenson walked in with his dog Kimi. 'Ah, Cap'n', he said, 'come quick. There's trouble afoot!', and the Captain sighed. 'When I've finished thish drink', he said, but Jenson insisted. 'It's Black Bernie Ecclescake and his evil men, they've taken over the island of Grand...
There was surprise in the sporting world today when a prawn became the new Formula One world champion. The prawn had escaped from a spectator's prawn cocktail sandwich at the Australian Grand Pres du Manger in March, and had taken cover in one of...
Formula One World Champion, Jenson Button, from Frome in Somerset, is ecstatic at being crowned world champion driver, but he's also gutted because his girlfriend, lingerie model Jessica Michibata is working in Japan. Which means that horny Jenson...
Britain celebrated today as its golden boy of motor racing, Jenson Button 29 thrashed Johnny Foreigner in a rain lashed FIA Scalextric World Championship. Button was said to be 'chuffed to f**k' at yesterdays result in the decisive round at the In...
A national youth group and South London youth services are celebrating the announcement that from 2010, McLaren and Williams will ditch their entire pit crews in favour of local gang members. The move has been heralded as the most forward thinking in...
It was announced today that F1 is more boring than reading the ingredients list on a Pot Noodle. Aficionados of the sport agreed, stating that the sport needs spicing up and whipping into shape. "Who in their right mind wants to sit and watch the...
Former World Champion Formula One racing driver Michael Schumacher will intensify training for his comeback this week, as he prepares to deputise for injured Felip Massa at the European Grand Prix in Valencia on 23 August, but he has a dodgy neck.
After Felipe Massa's accident, Ferrari have tempted Michael Schumacher out of retirement for one last F1 Series starting with the next race at Valencia. The other drivers are not so sure about Schumacher's return though. "He's a retired old man...
The BBC are celebrating today, following the announcement that former F1 driver, Michael Schumacher, will be returning to host the hit TV Gameshow - "The Generation Game". The show is expected to pull in record audiences when the first episode air...
The recent turbulent history of Formula 1 entered a new phase yesterday when the FIA revealed further radical changes aimed at broadening the sport's appeal. Bernie Ecclestone addressed a stunned world media to announce the changes at a hastily ar...
On the eve of the German Grand Prix at Nuremberg in Germany, Max Mosley and Bernie Ecclestone have decided to retire from show business. Their famous double act 'Bernie Und Max', affectionally known as BUM by their followers, became synonymous wit...
Further damning evidence that Formula 1 is rife with perverts, fascists and small old men with stupid hair, stupid glasses and lots of stupid money, has been exclusively revealed in this Sunday's News Of The World. Undercover reporters unconvinci...
Formula 1 boss Bernie Midget has shocked the sport by praising Adolf Hitler. "These days politicians just talk. Hitler got things done. He was a strong leader. It's just that he got a bit mixed up and got lost. Democracy has not achieved anything. Wh...
In a staggering reversal of the basic principle of motor racing Bernie Ecclestone, the centenarian F1 boss has planted the goalpost firmly in new territory. "Not only will we be installing energy recuperators in the 2010 season's cars, we will als...
In a move to make Formula 1 more exciting next year, the sport's chief executives announced that all cars would have no drivers for the races. 'Given that all drivers drive in exactly the same formulaic way nowadays, and there is more or less no o...
Following his poor performance, producing another dismal result in last weekends Turkish Grand Prix, Lewis Hamilton has announced he may take legal action against the McLaren Formula One team for loss of charisma. Speaking through a Darth Vader vo...
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