Written by IainB

Thursday, 30 July 2009

image for Michael Schumacher returns to Formula 1
Wobbly Wheel Trim

After Felipe Massa's accident, Ferrari have tempted Michael Schumacher out of retirement for one last F1 Series starting with the next race at Valencia.

The other drivers are not so sure about Schumacher's return though.

"He's a retired old man," said Jenson Button. "It's going to be terrible. Have you seen the way the retired drive on a Sunday afternoon? We're all going to be stacked up behind him as he tootles around the track at fifteen miles an hour looking at the scenery."

It is expected the Schumacher will be making additional pit stops in order to visit the toilet and eat his egg and cress sandwiches while the Ferrari mechanics dry clean his flat cap and check that the dog on the parcel shelf is nodding at the correct rate.

Bernie Ecclestone has admitted that a number of changes have been forced on them with the news of Schumacher's return.

"First off, we've had to put a blue badge parking bay in the pits for Michael to stop in. He has also requested a varifocal lens for his helmet and a tartan rug for his knees."

Also gone will be the high-tech dashboard and steering wheel, for now he has retired, Schumacher is unable to understand all this modern technology in cars. Instead he will have the simplified dash from a Fiat Panda. The final modification that Ferrari are making to their car is to have one wheel trim just hanging on, to give the appearance that his wheel is wobbling.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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