My name is Ainsley Harriott, Chef of Chefs: Look on my plight, Greg Wallace, and despair! No viewer now remains. They all have fled For roller-coaster dumbed-down sensations And US-style cheap-thrill bedazzlements. This is the age of change. N...
Jamie Oliver and Nigella Lawson have been commissioned by Parliament to provide recipes to the Parliamentary Canteen. You can print these recipes yourself and prepare the meals so you can feel just like a Member of Parlament. Jamie's Turd in the Hole. Take a pickled turd from the cabinet and fry with a piece of bread with a hole in which to place the turd. After 5 minutes add a sprin...
With the popularity of Slow Cookers on the increase, local man Seaton Carew has grasped the mantle and brought out a must have for all decent slow cooking kitchens. A Slow Cooker Cook Book Entitled 'Slow Cooking for Those With Time', the book extols the benefits of taking ones time when carrying out the most important tasks of your daily day: cooking. Packed full of mouth watering recipes a...
Super sexed Nigella Lawson is proposing a series of dishes you can cook with one hand as you watch her on your TV screen for her cookery show. One dish is for slimey sausages and two new potatoes, another is for courgettes smothered in melting but...
A distaster was narrowly avoided at the Oliver household after chef, Jamie, almost cooked his newborn baby by mistake. "I thought he was a f***ing pizza!" Said Jamie Oliver, 35, he continued; "I've hardly got any sleep recently and I haven't been...
Culinary wizard Heston Blumenthal is once again pushing the boundaries of taste, decency and ideas of what can be considered 'food' by becoming the first chef to cook himself on television. 'I always aim to do something that nobody else has done...
A new government incentive to teach younger female wives how to cook food was launched this week. The vast majority of them are so used to ready meals straight from the freezer to the microwave and the opening of crisp bags and ring pull cans to feed their families, they have absolutely no idea of the basics. Some of the silly twats don't even know that milk comes from cows. The cost of process...
Hobo Guacamole - Want to party like the "Rich N Famous" but you're homeless? Well, now you can invite all your friends over for chips and dip with this delicious recipe for Hobo Guacamole. Ingredients: 1 can of peas 5 packets of mayonnaise 2 packets each of salt & pepper Mixing directions: smash the peas thoroughly and mix with mayo, add salt & pepper to taste (smashed peas l...
World famous psychic medium and Cordon Bleu chef, Derek Acorah, is to appear on the next episode of Celebrity Come Dine With Me in the autumn. This being Derek Acorah though, you can expect the unexpected, with Acorah's fellow celebrities to be Al...
Sir Elton John's partner David Furnish says the singer is hopeless in the kitchen and has no idea about basic cooking, though stops short about how he is in bed! Sir Elton John can't cook, but does that matter? After all Elton has enough money to...
It had been left to collect dust in the attic since 1977, when Grandma Hortense passed away at age 98.6 from hyper-acute acne. And it probably would have remained there had not a family of rodents set up housekeeping in the old box next to it and began carrying out commando raids on the kitchen cupboard. In desperation, we had initially brought in some help in the form of a gang of feral, merce...
DURANGO, Colorado - Chef Gordon Ramsay, who is noted for his fiery temperament and his culinary expletives, was in Colorado where he had made his way to Durango's very popular Colorado Snow Food Diner. Ramsay was talking to the owner Endicott Swan...
Whilst nobody could sensibly argue that the BBC got it wrong in combining sex appeal and cooking, it could be argued that the BBC are struggling to maintain the standards they set so efficiently. Nigella Lawson became the first sex cook, and a jol...
A scientific fact has been proven, cooking made us what we are today, a bunch of morons and Gordon Ramsey is the perfect f*cking example! Scientists have discovered that when mankind turned to eating cooked meats it seperated him from other specie...
Veteran Headline Writer, Herbert "Guinea Pig" Puddles, is at the centre of yet another controversy following reports that he broke into the restaurant of top TV Chef, Hugh Burnley Whippingstool, and ate one of his pet guinea pigs. The grizzly scen...
Cousinpoke, Alabama -- Gourmands and publishers alike are basking in the success of America's latest gourmet genius. Elmer Dinkley, 47, former tractor-pull aficionado and trapper burned up the New York Times Bestseller list this week with the publica...
Chef David Bundschak shocked the culinary world yesterday when he served a dish that was sweet, but according to the judges he was facing "had absolutely no savory elements at all." While appearing on a Bravo Network competition show called "...
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