Sleazyjet, the well-known economy airline has taken a giant leap in cost-cutting. From now on, when you check in online, you will be asked if you wish to volunteer to fly the aircraft, act as cabin crew or baggage handler. In the event that ins...
Posh Spice, the thinking dickhead's crumpet - Victoria Beckham, the ultimate wannabe has excelled herself. Taking herself seriously has long been her downfall, otherwise she would have cottoned on to the fact that most people who have heard of her fi...
The computer gaming community has been shaken by the news that some of its champion gamesters are suffering from Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder. This syndrome, more commonly suffered by real soldiers having participated in real wars has now been a...
Boy Scouts are no longer to be permitted to carry knives! This shock report hit the Scout movement like a tidal wave only last week. Lord Baden - Powell's grave has been observed to be smoking and there is a rumbling, rotating noise emanating f...
The reciprocal motion of normal male masturbation is to be harnessed to produce electricity. Each masturbator is to be issued with a small portable generator that may be concealed about the person to avoid identifying the wanker to colleagues etc.
There has been a spring in Jeremy Clarkson's step since his reconciliation with Susan Boyle. Several Relate counsellors have burned out in the tortuous negotiations but it is in no small way due to their advice that Jezza and Subo will now walk ha...
The nomination of Lord Peter Mangelson (UK Business Secretary and Minister With A Finger In Every Pie) for the 2009 Peace Prize has been leaked by the Nobel committee. The citation reads "For your experiments towards withdrawing British troops fr...
129 extra unemployed - that's about the measure of the difference made by the abolition of the Edinburgh talking shop, the Scottish parliament. Except of course, if you read newspapers or attend to broadcast news media, in which case you will have...
They've done it again! - In a hissy fit unequalled since the cheese eating surrender monkeys debacle, the US State Department has issued a diplomatic note (major bollocking) to plucky li'l Great Britain, which is somewhere near Ireland, which is just...
Chloe, the 22-year-old daughter of Richard & Judy has been sentenced to a 22-month disqualification for drunk driving. Ms Madely's team of barristers entered a plea in mitigation that she had only committed the offence because of an unexpected...
Local, district, town and parish councils in England and Wales are working on plans to tighten controls on local residents. In a move reminiscent of Enver Hoxha's Albania or Robert Mugabe's Zimbabwe, town hall bosses plan to exercise newly discove...
The Lockerbie bomber is regretting his repatriation to Libya and has asked to return to the United Kingdom. "This place is a f*****g dump! F*****g sand everywhere and it stinks of crude oil"! These are the main complaints of Abdel Baset Al Megrahi...
The famous moon rock given to the worthy menheers of Amsterdam has turned out to be a fake. Neil Armstrong, exercising his well-known cheeky sense of humour presented the moonrock during a city tour many years ago and the Rijksmuseum has exhibited...
Australian actresses and pseudo-Aussie dickingtons need no longer be ashamed of their defining speech mannerism! "Brace yourself Sheila?" - The best-known Australian courtship ritual is now recognised as a statement, not a question. For all thi...
In a shock report, the Ministry of Health has announced that British holidaymakers habitually drink 80 beers in a one-week holiday! "This is disgusting" says Health Minister Gillian Merron "they are risking their health and wellbeing for momentary...
ADVERTISEMENT Tenders are invited for the supply of a United Kingdom government. The present public/private partnership has broken down, is obsolescent and must be replaced before next April Fool's Day. It is envisaged that companies such as Halliburton, Brown& Root and the Royal Bank of Scotland would be exemplary offerors. Scope Of Supply: Offerors are to provide a complete gover...
Wind generated electricity is here to stay - but rural dwellers have been up in arms about the number of gigantic turbines being erected in their backyards. In an appeal to the European Court of Human Rights, a group of country dwellers have overt...
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