HOLLYWOODLAND (The Studios) -- Transformers star Megan Fox should have kept her mouth shut and now has a lot of enemies in Hollywood, a place she said is full of cocaine abusers. She's been sent to Oblivion (Ari.).
ATLANTIC CITY (NJ.) -- Despite going "abracadabra, abracadabra, abracadabra!", trouble and strife, Mindfreak star Criss Angel can't make wife of 5-years disappear. So, he can't be an engaged Minnie Driver (car or actress!) around t...
CARMARTHENSHIRE (Llandovery) - Gerald and Sylvia Pritchard have lived in Llandovery all their lives and swear they saw British Prime Minister Gordon Brown register at The New White Lion yesterday.
BELGIQUE (Gand) -- Champion Tour de France sprinter Robbie McEwen (Predictor) said today that his energy spurts come from drinking Tahitian Noni Juice. And on stage 2 of the Tour, someone stole his canteen full of the stuff. "I wonder who that...
MALIBU (Calf.) -- Today. For God's sake Paris, put on a L.A. street wear micro mini before we all go Buzz, ding-dong -- Hello. You look like my 5th grade primary school teacher. Pull yourself together girl.
SYDNEY (Aust.) -- The U.S. navies largest floating airport has accidentally run into the Sydney Harbour Bridge. A big chunk fell out.
BEVERLY HILLS (Calf.) EXCLUSIVE-- It is not widely known that baboon bottoms are as 'soft' as a babies, and that the hairless reddish color becomes soft toned on being deceased. They are 'perfect' for enhancing women's bosoms. H...
NEW YORK (Rooters) -- Canada has alerted consumers to the dangers of fake Chinese toilet paper containing industrial solvent and dangerous bacteria.
LOS ANGELES (Calf.) -- Desperate to be a housewife (and now a done deal) Eva Longoria, is opening her very own celebrity taco stand in LA.
NEW YORK STATE (YONKERS) --"If you've been charged while driving drunk as a rooter skunk in New York City, we will get you the best resolution possible and make sure everything goes smoothly so you don't have to worry. Just go on partyi...
WASHINGTON (RAYMOND) -- Today. State Troopers surrounded the mega G-Box makers campus to stop all shipments. "We've got a problem," said Gearart Fuselpeek, VP of lunch and launch in the G-Box division, "it's not a ca...
AUSTRIA (FUCKING) -- Travel. The answer is a resounding - YES! Fucking is a tiny safe haven located approx 27 Kms north of Salzburg. "Everyone's welcome to Fucking," said Mayor Klaus Kamelhoffener, "but, and I emphasize but, no s...
HOLLYWOOD (PARIS HILTON's TRASH CAN) -- Paris Hilton's crumpled shopping list is for sale on eBay. Item Number: 110145031520. Have not bid. Must phone my Editor. Starting bid: US $45.00. Postage: US $9.00 Redwood framed.
MIDDLE EAST (ABRAKADABRA) -- Today. Hummah (Huge Unpredictable Mozzie Mob Arse Holes) have kidnapped Eron Duck. Duck, on a goodwill visit to allied infidel forces from Wally Golly World (WGW) in the U.S., disappeared while talking to a local donkey.
WASHINGTON D.C. (Statistic Institute) -- Regardless of where you stand on the issue of the U.S. involvement in Iraq, there is one sobering statistic we can't escape.
HOLLYWOOD (EXCLUSIVE) -- Sleepworks SKG may produce a 21st century remake of "Where The Boys Are" (working title: Left Tit Showing) summer 2008. The movie is set to star Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Hilary Duff, an indus...
GERMANY (Babelsberg) -- Deutschland today finally and unconditionally surrendered to the Scientologists.. "They are out of this world," said Reichstag mouth Klaus Brandauer, "and Germany looks to the future."...
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