MIDDLE EAST (ABRAKADABRA) -- Today. Hummah (Huge Unpredictable Mozzie Mob Arse Holes) have kidnapped Eron Duck. Duck, on a goodwill visit to allied infidel forces from Wally Golly World (WGW) in the U.S., disappeared while talking to a local donkey.
Eron's bodyguard, Poofy, said, "Ah, I didn't see a thing, I was taking a leak behind some armed dudes." A nearby camel that did witness the event, refused to talk, and gave army investigators the hump.
Duck's captors, all black and masked, were quick to release a video of a shaking duck saying, "Quake, quake, quake.." And then a black clad spokesperson interrupted to shout that they wanted, "The immediate release of 47 camels, 13 rocket launches and 300 dozen cartons of infidel American cigarettes."
"Goddamn it! If they think they're getting free smokes, they've got another thing coming" said General Thad L. Becker. "They take too long to kill."
40778th infantry specialist Ernie "Gomer" Pyle said he had been assigned to keep his nostrils open for BBQ duck.
"Goooooooll'eeee." Pyle said, "Let's hope Hummah will be very good eggs and release the duck."
Negotiations are, at present, continuing.
