A goldfish named Harold has set in train a controversy, by telling its owner, Mimsie Flopdangler, aged seven, of Trubshaw Crescent, Yarmouth, that people should leave fish, particularly goldfish, alone, and eat Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. Mimsie...
TV chef James Martin was recovering today after losing his cool during his weekly show Saturday Kitchen. Although he managed to appear in control, he was constantly having to try to cool down as his guest, actress Amanda Burton, was not wearing so...
Buxom TV sexpot cook, Nigella Lawson, claims that all women have a bit of the lesbian about them. Recalling her days at boarding school, the busty domestic goddess said she had a crush on a fellow pupil. Although she says she's never had any gi...
After the success of his 'Meals in 30 minutes' cookbook Jamie Oliver is to launch his new book which will show busy, working people how to get a meal on the table in 30 seconds. Section 1 involves practising ordering a pizza on the phone.."clear d...
Another reality TV competition based on an Oxymoron or two, the new season of Top Chef boasts another group of supposedly top ranked chefs who are so "Tops" in their field that they can apparently drop their restaurant duties to participate for weeks...
My name is Ainsley Harriott, Chef of Chefs: Look on my plight, Greg Wallace, and despair! No viewer now remains. They all have fled For roller-coaster dumbed-down sensations And US-style cheap-thrill bedazzlements. This is the age of change. N...
Super sexed Nigella Lawson is proposing a series of dishes you can cook with one hand as you watch her on your TV screen for her cookery show. One dish is for slimey sausages and two new potatoes, another is for courgettes smothered in melting but...
Bra sales at big girls' underwear stores like Bravissimo are set to rocket as top totty TV cook Nigella Lawson began a new TV series last night. Ms Lawson's new series, Nigella Kitchen, launched a 13-week run with an episode featuring such delight...
A distaster was narrowly avoided at the Oliver household after chef, Jamie, almost cooked his newborn baby by mistake. "I thought he was a f***ing pizza!" Said Jamie Oliver, 35, he continued; "I've hardly got any sleep recently and I haven't been...
Culinary wizard Heston Blumenthal is once again pushing the boundaries of taste, decency and ideas of what can be considered 'food' by becoming the first chef to cook himself on television. 'I always aim to do something that nobody else has done...
Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott today announced that he is to retire from politics to forge a new career as a celebrity chef. Prescott told a hushed and empty House of Commons: "Ever since I bought a burger van three weeks ago, I have dream...
Top telly chef Marco Pierre White has been sensationally banned for life from Seth's Chippy in Leeds Road Bradford. The ban came following a heated argument between Marco and chippy owner Seth Friar over cooking times, the quality of the produce and...
TV Chef, Heaton Bloomingspall OBE, has sensationally claimed that he has the answer to combat childhood obesity. Speaking from the en-suite laboratory situated in his luxurious marshmallow penthouse in Bolton (yes, it really is in Bolton) he said,...
Manchester, England. Whilst on a speaking tour of the midlands, pukka celebrity chef Oliver James suddenly announced to the audience that he knows where sought after terrorist mastermind Osama Bin laden is hiding. He would not elaborate on the de...
New York City, New York - In an outcome that left technicians and staffers on the set revolted, popular TV chef Rachael Ray left an unsightly trail of Gorgonzola cheese and Arugula leaves splattered all over her kitchen floor as she dashed madly towa...
The celebrity chef Hugh Fernley-Whittingstall has stirred up controversy with his latest stunt in his long running battle with cheap supermarket chicken. Hugh has been filmed on a recent visit to an aviation test facility, where he shoots a dead c...
Just in. (They actually woke me up from a lovely nap.) - Celebrity TV chef Marco Pierre White, who despite his exotic sounding name was actually brought up on a dead rough council estate in Leeds is to have his trademark bandana surgically removed on...
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