Prime Minister David Cameron has accidentally negotiated a super deal with China on free delivery of takeaway special meals for two within 20 miles. China has agreed to use its influence on British Chinese food takeaway outlets in a major concession...
New York - Mayor Michael Bloomberg made the Big Apple less appetizing to the city's cannibal community today, introducing a new Health Department regulation that limits flesh eating to "one pound per person per day." The restriction came on the he...
Nutely, NJ - Today a new recipe for mangled embryo is sweeping the nation. According to cooking legend, Marda Stewfart, the dish has both the most exquisite taste and presentation of any known to man. According to Stewfart, this dish was invente...
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Paris Hilton has made a startling confession to one of her very best friends Christina Aguilera. The two were recently having lunch at The Fiery Tongue of The Dragon Chinese Restaurant in West Hollywood when Paris suddenly became...
DEVIL'S LAKE, North Dakota - Mitt Romney's The Mormon Master Bus Tour pulled into Devil's Lake where Romney met with about 17 supporters at The Lips of The Dastardly Dragon Chinese Restaurant. Romney, bought egg rolls and orders of Crab Rangoon fo...
Health Department Inspectors closed down a downtown London Chinese Takeaway after a recent inspection showed a complete disregard for the most modicum of prudent food handling. The report cited rampant mice droppings, dead mice on the floor, congea...
Kim Kardashian and Ray J in 'Fill my Retarded Meathole, C-List Rap Artist': "Two Penises Up" Says Roger Ebert. (Not his, of course, but...) While Kim Kardashian's sex tape (with whom we assume is her gardener) is getting rave reviews from horndo...
Berkeley, CA. - As if their task wasn't difficult enough, technicians associated with the SETI Project are now being constantly bombarded by messages from aliens looking for Chinese Take away. "Our purpose is to look for intelligent life in outer...
VENICE BEACH - Jackie Chan, who is considered one of the greatest martial arts stuntmen of all time, has announced that he has gotten into the restaurant business. Chan said that after talking to his dear friend the recently-divorced Eva Longoria,...
Health experts have determined that Mexican food and "the water" (don't drink it) are not the leading causes of diarrhea among adults. The main reason for Montezuma's Revenge (a.k.a. the Hershey squirts, runny rear, etc.) is actually leftover Ch...
Samuel Guthry was dining with friends at a Chinese restaurant in Gooseberry, Kentucky when an otherwise perfect evening suddenly turned into the most humiliating moment of Guthry's life. "We were going around the table reading our fortune cookies,...
The easiest way to make people think you're smart is to talk about China. Discussing the global economy? …and then there's China. Discussing Western philosophy? …and then there's China. Do you think Alsatians taste better than Labradors? …and then there's China. The only occasion where this doesn't work is if you're already talking about China. There's some unwritten dinner party law that everyone...
A breaking scandal has impacted Michelle Obama's campaign to 'eat healthy' as it has been revealed the 14,500 Coloured Easter Eggs hidden on the White House Grounds were imported from China and contain deadly toxins! The traditional hunt on Easter...
Birmingham Chinese restaurant Mr Wong's was closed last night following a bizarre incident. A 14 month old boy narrowly escaped death when he was mistaken for a number 52, chicken in black bean sauce. The boy suffered minor brain injuries when Gor...
Disturbing reports coming out of China claim that thousands of cats are being killed every week for human consumption. I was taken undercover of darkness by Felix Chew to a killing factory in Beijing where thousands of cats were caged up without f...
London, England - Police have described the tapping of the mobile phones of John Prescott, former New Labour Deputy, by News International Journalists as "Nauseating. Against all moral laws." Thousands of phones belonging to politicians, entertainers...
BERKELEY, CA - Today at his home in Florida, as predicted by physicists, Rush Limbaugh finally succumbed to the forces of gravity. "We knew it was coming. We just didn't know when," says physicist Stephen Kinghawk. The last person to see the me...
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