Wednesday, 7 July 2010

image for Forget Montezuma's Revenge, Experts Say Leftover Chinese Food Causes The Most Diarrhea
How many others have eaten from this bowl?

Health experts have determined that Mexican food and "the water" (don't drink it) are not the leading causes of diarrhea among adults.

The main reason for Montezuma's Revenge (a.k.a. the Hershey squirts, runny rear, etc.) is actually leftover Chinese food.

Officials say that the enzymes and organisms in Oriental foods most often lead to that "shorts feel like they are going to burst" sensation.

Lin Dong, owner of Chinese Palace (formally Best Chinese Buffet, Chinese Kitchen, China Palace, China Bowl, and others) said that he does not agree with these findings.

"Why he no like my food? My flied lice berry, berry good. Taste berry berry good. You eat now! I give fortune cookie you say you like."

Health department officials blamed the causes on improper storage and preparation of food, improperly working refrigeration and cooking equipment, poor training of restaurant owners and workers in food safety and sanitation, recycling of leftover food within the restaurants (including food left on tables), and the idea that "the mystery meat stuffing of egg rolls just looks like vomit."

While interviewing Lin Dong for this article, it was noticed that some of his rice was crawling across the plate. Closer inspection found that the rice was filled with maggots. Dong explained this as "plotien" (protien).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Poo, Chinese Food




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