Pocono, Pennsylvania -- Gwendolyn Shopworn, a food researcher from Boston, expired earlier today while attempting to cross Pennsylvania's famous Bushkill Falls on a high wire. "This is a real tragedy," said Pocono Sheriff Snuffy Anastasia. "She'...
When the bear visited the bar in question (see "Bear Walks Into A Bar: 300-Pound Colorado Black Bear Eludes Patrons" in the International Business Times), he didn't receive much of a welcome. In fact, there was no welcome at all! In an exclusiv...
CHEYENNE, Wyoming - The Wyoming State Senate has just passed a law that will ban the extremely dangerous practice of bear teasing. Senator ZonQuisha Popcorn [D-Laramie] told the assembled media that this piece of legislation should have been passe...
BEAR #1- Returning from an over night kayaking trip out in the islands near where I was working I had a short margin of time to get through a narrow pass between an island and the mainland before it got too shallow to paddle through even in a kayak. Glacier Bay was famous for having 20 to 25 foot tidal changes at times. I missed my margin by at least a half hour. I now had a ten hour wait be...
The new Archbishop of Glastonbury has spoken of how his life has changed since he discovered that his pet bears had been secretly drinking. The Most Rev Jasper Selby has had three pet bears (Bruin, Cuddly and Yogi) for 10 years. They've always bee...
In his first interview, one with a Spoof reporter, the bear discussed the recent time he spent mingling with humans. "Nothing to write home about," he said, "if I could write, that is. Frankly, I'll be glad to get back to the wild." The bear ha...
From the same scientist that gave us the study "Is a frog's ass water tight?" We have a new study of a common American cliché, Does a bear shit in the woods? "My dad was always making these comments that made me wonder if there was any truth to t...
BBC executives were today denying the entire series was faked, but agreed some footage could have been misleading. One exec said: 'Ok, the footage of Attenborough in his back yard wading through polystyrene made to look like snow was a little fake...
Jackson Hole WY: A dozen Occupy Wyoming protesters arrived in Jackson Hole to show their displeasure with rich liberal Hollywood stars who own multimillion dollar homes in the region, but pay lip service to the poor like themselves. The homes of...
For those wishing to explore the back country of Denali National Park in Alaska one of the requirements that the Rangers insist upon is that the avid hikers must take with them a bear-proof container. This is a small, barrel-shaped container which also proves itself to be human proof if you don't carry a screw driver with you to open it. The containers are designed to keep your hiking food in so t...
During a rainy evening on an island off the Queensland coast in Australia a Koala Bear wandered in and asked for a jar of amber nectar. The barman, ever alert to some plot by the local cops to test his willingness to serve under age drinkers, aske...
Humans living near grizzly bear habitats are becoming very worried about the latest generations of grizzlies to appear, apparently they are becoming horrendously overweight, obese, lazy, unemployed scavengers. (similar to many US people) Once upon...
(Western Montana) - Findings in the latest issue of Bear Scat Quarterly indicate with 99% certainty that bears sh*t in the woods. A bruised/scratched/bleeding member of the research team that led the study had this to say: "Answering the tough qu...
LOS ANGELES (AP) Bill Maher, political satirist and host of HBO's Real Time program was attacked and seriously injured by five angry female grizzly bears yesterday. According to a spokesperson at an area hospital, Maher remains in serious but stable...
Tiger Woods is said to be furious, after a bear defecated into his mouth. The incident happened whilst Woods was on the 10th hole of a golf course in Colorado. It is, in fact, a common occurrence for professional golfers to be used by the wild an...
A talking Russian bear has made his first appearance in front of the Western media. Named Baloo he chatted to the media scrum as if he was accustomed to all the attention. When asked what he liked most about being a bear he said 'Wherever I wander...
Deep in the Canadian woods, law enforcement officials were checking out complaints by neighbors that a woman living there was acting a bit strange. Upon entering the property, the officers upwards of a thousand pot plants growing. Even more alarming...
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