(Western Montana) - Findings in the latest issue of Bear Scat Quarterly indicate with 99% certainty that bears sh*t in the woods.
A bruised/scratched/bleeding member of the research team that led the study had this to say: "Answering the tough questions about bears' sh*tting behaviours is what we are known for. It's the type of investigation we cut our teeth on. What made it difficult was the twenty question survey that we used to figure out the answer."
According to the study the 1% of bears that do not sh*t in the woods can be explained by "alternative lifestyles" -- namely, those who live in human captivity.
