LOS ANGELES (AP) Bill Maher, political satirist and host of HBO's Real Time program was attacked and seriously injured by five angry female grizzly bears yesterday. According to a spokesperson at an area hospital, Maher remains in serious but stable condition. His injuries were described as "grizzly" but not life threatening.
While no street gang or terrorist organization has claimed credit for the attack, many experts speculate that the politician who arranged to have the bears flown from Alaska to Los Angeles would soon receive an endorsement from Sarah Palin, and was likely motivated by recent remarks made by Maher, who suggested that he once had an affair with Palin's Tea Party bear cub candidate, Christine O'Donnell.
Said Maher, "When I hear Christine O'Donnell say "I'm you" I take it personally, because I think back to how our love-making was so raw and powerful it was hard to know where my body ended and hers began, but if I were you, I'd really want her to stop saying she was you."
Maher also criticized the social conservative Tea Party movement, "Fifty-nine percent of AMERICANS support gay marriage and civil unions. The Tea Partiers support traditional gender roles, where men are in charge, like Glenn Beck, and women are soft and emotionally fragile, with spooky mood swings, like Glenn Beck."
According to his agent, Glenn Beck was not available for comment due to severe mood swings.
In other political news, Nevada senatorial candidate Sharon Angle left reporters stunned and amazed when speaking at a fundraiser when she actually said something that was not completely bat shit crazy. She later retracted the remark, explaining, I was only joking.