It's been described as a deliberate plot to unsettle the opposition players and fans alike, but officials of the Ukraine FA have insisted on playing a six minute version of their national anthem at Wembley tonight. "Six minutes is a long time to h...
Sir Alan Shearer, the former Newcastle United and England legend, who was last night installed as the Magpies' fourth manager this season, is already under intense pressure to deliver results and Premier League safety, and could face the sack as earl...
There were red faces all round at St James Park today when, after initial reports late last night announced that Newcastle United hero Alan Shearer was to take over the manager's position at the club, it emerged this morning that the whole thing was...
Alan Shearer, the record Newcastle United goalscorer, and the city's favourite son, is to leave the comfort of the Match of the Day sofa, and make a comeback for his beloved Magpies. Shearer, retired from football since 2006, will line up as centr...
Michael Owen has been called again by Fabio Capello. Unfortunately it was only to tell him that he should consider retiring from International football. Owen told a close friend, who thus in turn told me which effectively proved the lack of closen...
Manchester United have confirmed reports that Sir Alex Ferguson is to have another baby. An official spokesperson revealed "Yes, it's true. He is expecting another son. He will call him Wayne." Sir Alex has been fathering children for many years.
Michael Owen, Newcastle United's number one striker, has quit international football. The diminutive England man, with 40 goals in 89 games for his country, has decided that enough is enough. A statement today said, "It looks like I have fallen ou...
Here is the Man United squad for Saturday's match: Edwiny van der Sarsy Gary Nevillesy Patricey Evrasy Oweny Hargreavesy Rioey Ferdinandsy Wessy Brownsy Cristiany Ronaldosy Andersonsy Dimitary Berbatovsy Wayney Rooneysy Ryany Giggsy Benny Fostersy Parky Ji-Sungsy Pauly Scholesy Mikey Carricksy Manager: Alexy Fergsy And the Liverpool one: Diegy Cavaliersy Andry Dossenas...
Long-suffering fans of one of the Football League's founding members, Wolverhampton Wanderers, are today licking their chapped lips over the mouth-watering opportunity of meeting one of the greatest managers in the club's history - none other than th...
A few days after scientists discovered the perfect formula for a penalty kick, another group of scientists have claimed they have discovered the perfect formula to save the perfectly kicked penalty kick. Last week researchers said that by analyzin...
The infamous Corleone family have reportedly made attempts to control English football. Already a crime wave involving the families of several professional footballers has begun. The family of John Terry, the Chelsea captain have been arrested fo...
The useless manager of Liverpool FC, Rafael Benitez, has once again proved his idiocy by, this time, claiming he is not on the verge of baldness. The thinning manager (and by thinning I categorically do NOT mean his torso) is known for his tenden...
Scientists today revealed that a Premiership footballer has grown a brain. As yet the player in question has not been named. It is believed that the experiment was carried out to see if unintelligent life could be used to support intelligent life.
Unfortunately what Wayne Rooney does not understand, is the basic grasp of common sense. He was born in England, everyone he is related to was born and raised in England, he was already played some 40 games for England, thus making him ineligible for...
After booting should be lobotomized Looney Rooney, Castrato singer and soccer afficionado, Fabio Acapello sent not merry old soul, Ashley Cole, the mad drunk of Manchester packing. Acapello told the Rude Footballers Tabloid that drunks are ten pen...
Fabio Acapello, the only footballer and castrato singer in the world told Man UTD in a perfect soprano that Looney Rooney had got to go. Since his latest looney illustration against Fulham, the men in the white coats have been looking for an appropr...
This is the incredible view of "Fat Spanish Waiter" Rafael "ranting" Benitez. "Fat" Rafa claims that Dirk Kuyt, the poor Dutch "winger?", has better skill on the ball, is faster and generally better looking than "that midget Messi". "That midget" is...
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