Sophie Horn, a model, certified fitness trainer, 6-handicap golfer and all-around useless meathole, who plans to take the pop-culture world by storm by following the Danica Patrick Plan to fame and fortune (Hotness + modicum of athletic alility + did...
The dream of one day ass-blasting what is left of yesterday's flank steak and broccoli florentine into the gas tank of a German economy car has come a step closer to reality when British researchers successfully created a Volkswagen Beetle that runs...
You can't polish a turd! This is an old saying with which prospective government employees should become familiar. Do not misunderstand me; the public service is a fine occupation for the young person wondering what to do with their lives, or how best they may be able to serve their fellow human beings. However, some things, like turds, are simply not capable of being made to look or smell any...
Amazon- Researchers investigating the contents of bird feces made an amazing discovery Friday. For years that little white speck on the top of bird droppings has confounded observers the world over. Shing Ding Dong Valdez, a researcher and avid bi...
As if life on the streets was not bad enough these days, we have learned of a frightening new trend which is being adopted by gangs of yobs and hoodies, the length and breadth of the country. First there was 'mugging', then 'joy-riding'. More rece...
Katie Price - aka Jordan - earlier announced plans to bottle and sell her own waste products. "It just made sense," she told assembled journalists and perverts. "Every other aspect of my life is a financial commodity, so I figured - why not my sh...
The manure from horses in the King's Troop will be used to heat and light the new Ministry of Defence headquarters in London. The poop from the 170 animals, trainers and horse guard's men of the Royal Horse Artillery will be made into pellets to g...
Health experts have determined that Mexican food and "the water" (don't drink it) are not the leading causes of diarrhea among adults. The main reason for Montezuma's Revenge (a.k.a. the Hershey squirts, runny rear, etc.) is actually leftover Ch...
Alexander Palace, London: The coveted Tip Top Tech prize has been awarded to a company that displayed a polished turd at this year's TTT exhibition in London. Exhibitors from all over the UK were left reeling as the result was announced. Spamtec...
Steve Jobs, the robo-Prime Minister of the Apple juggernaut, plans to write history while rewriting some dubious parts of its own history, by stating that it will use former technologies once deemed to be commercial failures to cap the oil puker in t...
Apple, Inc. stunned the world today by announcing that it will retire the name iPhone, and the product will hereafter be called the "ROKR 2" Geeky first-adopters will recall that Apple foisted the ultra-crappy Motorola ROKR phone on an unsuspectin...
Dog owners are reported to be up in arms at news that UK scientists have genetically modified common pigeons (also known as 'rock' pigeons)to eat dog excrement. The pigeon whose scientific name will be (Columba Excrementus) is a wholly new species. T...
Hiding his God given talents for years, a New Jersey construction worker is finally receiving credit for an unusual but highly utilitarian body function in his trade as a brick mason. He can quite simply produce a well formed brick between the cheek...
It turns out that Nostradamus and the ancient Mayans had a lot more in common than previously known. Thanks to top notch anthropology graduate students from the University of Nevada, Reno, it has been revealed that the year 2012 will be the end of o...
Mention the name 'Liverpool' to anyone and their immediate reaction will be to check that their pockets have not been picked or that they haven't stood in shite. Such is the opinion of the vast majority of people who are not of the Liverpudlian ra...
After starting their criminal investigation into the BP Oil Spill only very recently, Attorney General Eric Holder, and his team of Federal experts believe that they have finally gotten to the bottom of the matter. Investigators now seem to b...
Last night insurgents using heavy rocket fire and AK-47s, launched a massive ground assault directed at what NATO troops refer to as, "the giant shit pond" located at Kandahar Air Field in Southern Afghanistan. Lance Corporal Lawrence Shannon...
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