Hiding his God given talents for years, a New Jersey construction worker is finally receiving credit for an unusual but highly utilitarian body function in his trade as a brick mason. He can quite simply produce a well formed brick between the cheeks of his ample posterior on demand.
Twenty year veteran brick mason, Richard "Rick" Tangle, has been diagnosed with a rare gastrointestinal disorder that craves moderate amounts of clay to help with bowel regularity. Often reported in jungle regions, locals will mix charcoal and sometimes clay deposits to help settle their stomachs depending on the disgusting foods they might consume. In the case of Mr. Tangle, his condition is more hereditary and biochemical rather than food triggered.
"He's got quite an interesting ass", says Internist Dr. Myron Neesquirts, "Even his orifice is rectangular." The brick mason's body chemistry actually combines the clay with other food waste and produces up to 17 bricks daily depending on food and clay intake. "The more he eats, the more he can pinch off", says Neesquirts.
Tangle's employer is thrilled to have a natural brick layer like Tangle on his team. "He's amazing really. If he knows we're working on an off-white brick job the next day, Rick will load up on chicken and pasta at dinner the night before. If we're working brown brick, he loads up on beef and gravy. Sometimes we need a few extra, so Rick squeezes out as many as he can. What a trooper", says foreman Red Harring.
"Red brick is hardest to get right", says Tangle, "It takes the perfect combination of salmon, beef and a nice California Shiraz to get the right color, but in a pinch, if you'll pardon the pun, we can finish up the job if we run short."
