Alexander Palace, London: The coveted Tip Top Tech prize has been awarded to a company that displayed a polished turd at this year's TTT exhibition in London.
Exhibitors from all over the UK were left reeling as the result was announced. Spamtech UK had been tipped for the prize with their innovative goldfish powered spam tin opening device. Fellow hopefuls Cyberdyne Ltd, who manufacture cybernetic organisms, were expected to be among the finalists for the third year in a row.
The company that beat off the competition and flummoxed the bookies was Turdstream Ltd, based in Peckham. Partners Bill Reston and Ted Ogan set up the firm in 2002 to develop a proprietory metal coating process. By vapourising metals at sub-atomic levels, the process means that any object can be coated in a metal skin. The skin can then be worked and treated just like any other metal.
"The turd was not our idea", admits Reston. "We had an enquiry from the Palace to see if we could apply gold plating, which presented no problem. The next week we got a rather odd smelling package through the post, and ran it through the machines. An older gentleman came down that afternoon to inspect it, but said it could do with a bit more polishing. The lads worked through the night to get it right, and the gold plating really topped it off".
The pair didn't realise at first that it was the Queen's birthday, and they were instructed to deliver it directly to the palace as soon as it was ready.
"I thought it was funny that we had to take it to the back entrance, if you know what I mean" Ogan said, "but she was waiting for me personally, and I handed it to her myself. She looked delighted", he smiled.
"After that, word got round high society and demand increased so quick that we changed the name of the company to Turdstream", Reston explained, adding, "All we do now is polish turds for a living, a bit like the Government."
