Alcoholics Anonymous graduate Billy James Hancock, formerly known to the small town of Brindley, North Carolina as The Town Drunk, celebrated his third full year of being alcohol-free, Sunday. Hosting several of his old friends since high school, B.
The sun's rays began to beat down on Miami's South Beach around twelve noon today, awaking Chad Breeford from his still-drunken stupor gained from a Friday night of club hopping and tikki-bar desecrating. As family beach-goers jockeyed for th...
As an epidemic of handbag violence sweeps the UK a government minister, Doctor Derek Vasectomy has announced. 'This is probably the greatest challenge that any government has faced since prohibition in the USA.' said the minister. 'We are faced wi...
"I've always said: Beer-it's good for what ails ya'" - This, the official comment from Lord Mark Hastings of the British Beer and Pub Association. Hastings, though not a true Lord, (he got the nickname while at Oxford where the full label was Mar...
A recently released report into the stock market crash has found that spending your money getting pissed every night would've been a far more sensible thing to do than investing in the shares market. "Yes we were surprised" claimed report head Pro...
When news broke of the problems at Risley jail, near Warrington in Cheshire (UK), the home office saw an opportunity. The category 'C' training prison (they train people to be prisoners) was investigated in 2007, and the report released this week...
A Saudi Arabian immigrant from Derby-on-Sea is suing a supermarket monopoly for religious discrimination after he was asked to handle crates of alcohol against his spiritual beliefs. Mohammed Ahmed, a former Mecca Ballroom pole dancer, now a resi...
In breaking news today it was revealed that alcohol was the answer to all the worlds problems. Top UK scientist Professor Hugh Jarse said today, "I have been trying to find all sorts of answers to all sorts of problems when I just had enough."...
Bloodyvostock - (Ass Mess): Cops have smashed a 1552 mile long underground vodka pipeline between the Kremiln and the Abramovich Arms pub in Chelsea. Dozens of moonshiners are under arrest and the smuggling scam has seen 90% of subterranean EU 'te...
CHICAGO - At a meeting here of American college and university presidents, a motion was made and passed to lower the drinking age to 11. "At first the drinking age was 18. Then it was raised to 21, and caused a lot of resentment," stated Dr. Robe...
From the Heartland/AP - Robert Paxton, the Iowa Community College President recently forced to resign after pictures of drinking revelry with students appeared in print, landed on his feet with a new position in higher education. Pictures of Paxto...
Self extinguishing cigarettes that go out in 60 seconds if they are not smoked will become compulsory across Europe within three years. A new EU ruling will force tobacco companies to use fire retardant paper in all cigarettes by 2011 in a bid to cut...
Hot on the heels of the drinking ban imposed on tubes and buses in London by the Mayor of London, the City of London council have taken it one step further by enforcing a drinking ban in all the city's pubs. From next month, it will be illegal to...
Middlebury, Vt. /AP - Former Middlebury College President John McCardell has enlisted 100 college presidents behind his bill to lower the drinking age from 21 to 18 in an effort to make higher education "more fun". The Coalition of college pres...
German researchers who are famous for being drunk on schnapps by noon encountered a creature in the Malaysian rain forest that could put them to shame. The little fella is called the pen-tailed shrew and it spends the whole day drinking fermented nec...
Washington DC-- Congress voted today to make web-surfing while drunk or stoned illegal. Penalties are $5,000 for the first offense with a mandatory jail term of one year in federal prison. Local police departments will enforce the law. Congress...
Washington AC/DC - (Withdrawal Mess): George Bush has blamed bingeing alkies for the mess America is in.
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