Written by Pointer

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

image for Lord Hastings of the BB&PA: Beer Can Bailout Ailin' Economy
Lady Two Bums Hastings says beer goes straight to her hips

"I've always said: Beer-it's good for what ails ya'" - This, the official comment from Lord Mark Hastings of the British Beer and Pub Association.

Hastings, though not a true Lord, (he got the nickname while at Oxford where the full label was Mark "Drunk as a Lord" Hastings) chided the campaign to prevent public inebriation and alcohol abuse.

Hastings told a somber if not sober and clearly fearful assemblage of pub owners and alcohol salespersons:

"These are tough times for John Bull's brave subjects. Ma and Pa have nary a farthing for a pint and a shot. Big sister is out of work and needs a beau and the teens can hardly filch a litre of Harvey's from Granny's stash.

"As an economic iron curtain descends upon Europe certain subversives in the guise of moralistic crusaders would prevent the only hope of our recovery- free beer nights for women.

"These Reds masquerading as blue-noses would dry out Mother England and leave us without our greatest resource and comfort in times of trouble. I stand with Sir Winston Churchill who could hardly stand half of the time yet steered our dear motherland to victory!

"Long live the Queen, and long live free beer nights for knights and their ladies!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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