Cancellation of the UK Antarctic Drilling project was confirmed as the team arrived back to the UK. The controversial plan was to reduce the ice of the Antarctic to the consistency of slush by pumping different flavoured sauces into the ice, allow...
A British father has been applauded for his quick thinking which saved his family from savage, hungry lions in Tanzania. Whilst on the holiday of a lifetime, the Philbin family's tour bus broke down, deep in the Serengeti. As the driver radioed f...
Santa is in trouble after a whistleblower exposed Santa's operation as an illegal glacé cherry producer. However, the cherries are not quite as they seem; glacé cherries are not made from cherries but are really the noses of baby reindeer who carry...
A rebuttal of claims of fakeness by Frank Miller. I'd like to put to rest the rumors negating my heroic deeds during the Mumbai terrorist attacks last year. During the ordeal, I rescued over 250 people by making rope (allowing them to climb to safety) made from spunk; spun to make silk. It makes remarkably strong rope when woven together. That's no easy trick! Do you know how much wankin...
A Spanish woman has been acquitted by a Spanish court of murdering her husband on the grounds of recently discovering that she has hands. Carla Santiago (32, Spanish, has hands) had described Dr Sanchez Moldova as her guardian angel for identifyi...
Fears are rising for the emotional stability of Antarctica after space probes noticed that the contentment is losing its ice. In an attempt to slow or even reverse the receding ice, scientists at Antarctica Technology University (Antarctica) have...
A Spanish man died today when his record attempt to high dive into a bucket of water from 30,000 feet failed. Daredevil Miguel Smith had previously set records for leaping over a speeding train, being run over by 10 cars and being eaten by an elep...
Japan: Rescue workers are franticly attempting to rescue hundreds of American and French tourists who were caught in a horrifying building collapse. The tower, built in Kooriyama (Fukushimma, Japan) was constructed entirely from 950,000 Sumo wrest...
Global sausage manufacturer 'Balls Sausages' lost their battle with the TV regulator today regarding complaints raised about an advert shown in July. 35 people complained about the advert which depicted a normal family of four sitting down to dinn...
With the recession still ringing in the ears of many UK companies, some are taking drastic action to reduce costs. Worse than making people redundant; office Christmas parties are being cancelled. This has left many office workers with a problem;...
Magical portals which can transport a person from inside a room to an area outside the room has been discovered in many houses across the UK this week. ESA Scientist Bradley Mendals explains, "Simply put, these 'Inter-Room Portals' are magical tra...
The Guinness world record for Worlds Oldest Dog is in doubt today amidst claims that the dog is in fact dead. Ancient K9 Otto Jones, and his elderly owner Lynn Jones from Shropshire first appeared on regional news then became an overnight sensatio...
Luton police are questioing a man who was arrested for causing confusion at Luton airport with a couple of table tennis bats. Airline expert Ron Bexley explains, "Airline pilots are conditioned to follow the signals of ground crew when they wave t...
Tensions are wearing thin as Italy accuses France of the heinous crime of 'Theft of record breaking dessert'. Italy claims the French conducted a secret mission to steal the tasty dessert to pass off as their own. France was then awarded the World...
A man is in intensive care today after being electocuted by overhead power lines. The "bizarre" accident happened when "Professor" Julian Hodge from "Blurples" College in Cambridge was "explaining" to a group of "children" how "electicity" works.
The eighth mystery foot washed up on the coast of Canada this week has been traced to a 24 year old English man through extensive DNA profiling. When interviewed, Mr Peter Mobbs (24, English, funny limp) described the events, "I went out running o...
The case for the Manchester pie killing was closed yesterday with a guilty verdict against the staff of London based 'Boobies Family Steakhouse' of killing Manchester man and pie lover Anthony Morgan after he was caught eating a pie. Mr Morgan (56...
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