Cancellation of the UK Antarctic Drilling project was confirmed as the team arrived back to the UK.
The controversial plan was to reduce the ice of the Antarctic to the consistency of slush by pumping different flavoured sauces into the ice, allowing the drilling team to quickly suck out the tasty slush with huge straws.
However, after three months of drilling the project has reached a depth of only 12.5 inches.
The problem became quickly apparent; due to the temperature of the slush, many of the drilling team were hospitalised with acute brain freeze.
Questions are being asked why corners were cut with the drilling team not being composed of Eskimos as originally planned. Eskimos have a high tolerance to brain freeze but would not work for the pay deal on offer.
The project manager spoke of his disappointment; "It's well known that you can't sell ice to Eskimos, apparently they won't work for it either. In retrospect, this project was obviously fucked from the beginning."
