Dear Barak I hate to bother you with my problems and all cause I know you have a lot of problems yourself. I was sorry to hear about Air Force One wearing out but going to Helena for Buffalo Burgers in the limo shouldn't be to bad. Anyway, I just want to say that we support you and everything. I see you working hard and squinting at the teleprompter on my big screen TV. You have very s...
Latest Gossip From the World of Entertainment - Keep your eye to the keyhole and your ear to the door! Rosie O'Donnell is said to be returning to our television screens with an afternoon show on Oprah's new television network. It has been a trying time for the ample sized funny one after leaving The View. There was somewhat of a cloud over her departure and background noise that she had b...
Consistent with the second rate status of the United States,compared to the Mother Country, The president has offered this not so Modest Proposal. From major newspapers here is the full text of the President's announcement. OBAMA APPOINTS NEW CZAR SUPREMO The Dark Skinned White POTUS has appointed an author from The Spoof, a highly regarded magazine on the internet, to supervise the comp...
The Federal Government is hiring at a record pace. Initially that might seem a good thing in this distressed economy but it brings along some negative baggage. Specifically, these new hires are often not fully trained in the subtleties and nuances of public service. To that end the Office of Employment and Budget has began teaching classes for these recruits at various locations throughout the...
In an apparently leaked letter from the advice columnist Zanie Rabinowicz; The World's Most Interesting Man, the urbane and bon vivant spokesman for Dos X Xs brewery, has cried out for help in a matter of the heart. We print the letter in its entirety below. Dear Zanie, I have fallen in love with a beautiful young woman a third my age. We met aboard a yacht in Charlotte Amalie harbor, hi...
Dateline Copenhagen. Global Warming and Climate Change Deniers have unconditionally surrendered to the Settled Science Consensus. A spokesman for the Deniers, Rudy Waltz, announced they have examined the research of the advocates of stopping th...
In a shocking announcement that may signal the demise of The Onion, a much respected and prize winning news source; Famed Reporter Area Man has said he is going freelance. Speaking at a news conference that he felt "there were opportunities that he c...
New York City - Austin Trever, lawyer for prominent socialite Doris Hansen has announced the filing of an astronomical lawsuit. Suing for five hundred million dollars Trever alleges that Dr. Marc Sterling destroyed the face of his former wife w...
Dawgcheetistan Central Asia - Vice President Joe Biden has made a sudden and unannounced trip to Kabuum, Dawgcheetistan. Arriving at the local airport in the wee hours of the morning he was met by the local president of the Pub Crawlers as governmen...
Washington, DC - Vice President Biden announced a new FEMA program today with a photo op and speech on the grounds of the his residence at the Naval (Navel?) Observatory also known as Cheney House. A transcript of his remarks follow: Good morning ladies and gentlemen. I was in a bit of a rush this morning and grabbed a sheaf of papers from my desk. Let me sort through these for my short spe...
We have obtained a copy of a taped interview of Elizabeth Taylor by Larry King. Sources say King journeyed to Los Angeles California for what he said was the greatest interview of his entire career. That prompts us to ask, "Bigger than the Pope, the President, Mother Teresa? Apparently so as Larry appeared a bit on edge and had donned a sport jacket before Liz came onto the set.
Washington DC Apparently the G8 summit involves more than photo ops, admiring another trophy girl friend of Italian Prime Minister Berlesconi or the trailing parts of a Brazilian beauty. Those accompanying the chief executive say that often the re...
Ghana - In an unscheduled news conference President Obama has announced the final resting place of the King of Pop will now be decided by the United States Government. This was precipitated by the Jackson Family's rejecting of burial on the N...
Washington, DC - A secret White House memo has been obtained by me. Setting out in detail the "Czaration" of United States Government, it clearly outlines the virtual castration of the US Congress as an effective policy making and pork producing b...
Amid the hubbub of Michael Jackson's Funeral Memorial and future internment beneath the Eifel Tower in Paris France, one item of non Jacko news found its' way to the front page. Sarah Palin in the September edition of a popular men's magazine. "...
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