An Open Letter To The Prez

Funny story written by Nailer

Wednesday, 3 November 2010


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Dear Barak

I hate to bother you with my problems and all cause I know you have a lot of problems yourself. I was sorry to hear about Air Force One wearing out but going to Helena for Buffalo Burgers in the limo shouldn't be to bad.

Anyway, I just want to say that we support you and everything. I see you working hard and squinting at the teleprompter on my big screen TV. You have very smooth skin. Don't tell Michelle, but the TV makes her butt look big.

I am sending some new stuff that will make Bo stop eating his own turds. Putting this stuff in his food makes the poop taste bad so he will stop. It only contains healthy things like arugula and tofu so it will not hurt him. If it were me I wouldn't want my kids kissing Bo until he had given the turds up though.

Maybe you could settle a bet I have with my right wing wacko neighbor. He says that all the toilets in the White House are not low flush, 2.5 gal and that all the showers don't have flow restrictors neither.

He also says you use your teleprompter at the dinner table. I told him "So What". No Daddy wants to say a bunch of wrong stuff to his kids.

All of us here are voting for Onslow Boomer. He has a plan for the environment. At first it seemed crazy but when you follow it through it sounds pretty good. Onslow says we should not worry about global warming because it causes more hurricanes which makes more wind and storms. Storms have lightening and that creates ozone which will help plug the whole in the South Pole. We can also use this extra wind to power our new wind mill where I can mount my CB antenna and talk to truck drivers all over and it will charge up my new Volt car. The liquor store is exactly nineteen and a half miles from here, one way.

My boy is real happy with the new health care program cause he is getting help for his severe jock itch. It turned out not to be jock itch but poison ivy instead. His ex girlfriend's back looks like hell and they have had to tie her face down in the bed so she don't kill nobody.

Oh I almost forgot my problem. You are a city boy so you probably don't know that boar hogs have corkscrew penises. That's why down here we call those new light bulbs Pig Dicks. Since we are peaceful Muslims we are insulted by these foul implements and hope you can have them taken away so we don't have to riot.

That reminds me. Is Robert Gibbs related to Curley Joe? Probably not since the three stooges were really the Three Jooooos.

Peace be upon you, Salaam Aliekim

Abdul El Bul Bul Ameer

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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