Dawgcheetistan Central Asia - Vice President Joe Biden has made a sudden and unannounced trip to Kabuum, Dawgcheetistan. Arriving at the local airport in the wee hours of the morning he was met by the local president of the Pub Crawlers as government officials were unaware of his visit.
Some government ministers and dignitaries have been scheduled to meet with Mr. Biden but due to his unscheduled arrival there has been an abundance of time for visiting with the common folk and soaking in a lot of local culture.
Dawgcheetians seem to like the Vice President. They remark that he is a funny guy and speaks his mind, both important attributes in this central Asian Patriarchal society.
We reporters caught up with the fast moving VP as he left a local watering hole in downtown Kabuum. He agreed to speak to us without notes or briefing before hand. A sampling of his most important statements follow:
When asked about what the President might think about his sudden trip Biden replied, "Oh, I think he might be glad. Just before I left he was meeting with Prince Charles. I stated that if he had invited Henry Waxman we could call it the Dumbo Summit. I got a very cross look but that was me just being me.
There was a bit of awkward silence here among reporters but it passed unnoticed by Biden as he droned on, like a radio missing its' knobs.
He continued, "How about that wise Latina that the President has nominated for the Supreme Court, huh? She's a lead pipe cinch to be confirmed if we can get her to comb her hair before the Senate votes."
Then shaking his head as if to clear the cobwebs he said, "Man, this local liquor is some strong stuff. My father used to say that the strongest booze in Scranton was at the 'Yurt and Burp'. That was a Dawgcheetian tavern in a out of the way section of town. It's still there, still serving that fermented mule milk. Good folks those Dawgcheetian Americans. Good Times.
And the women here, have you noticed how good looking they are? You can pick out the bumps under those burquas if you try. Sort of like a sack full of cats.
Oh, excuse me ladies and gentlemen, that's my cell phone ringing. Hello, this is the Vice President speaking. Oh yes, I have time to take a survey. Most of the time it's somebody calling to tell me I made some group mad. Go ahead.
Well most of the time I prefer plastic. No I generally shop at a neighborhood market, 'The Brothers and Mothers Cupboard'. They have the best fried catfish. Please hold, I have another call.
Vice President Biden speaking. Oh, hello Mr. President. How are you? Not so good. No I did not realize that my idea of sending the Jehovah's Witnesses after Ben Laden would offend anyone. It did huh? Well tell them to sign me up for ten subscriptions to the Watchtower.
Why are you screaming Mr. President? Oh, hello Rahm. The President is taking a drink, kinda early don't you think? Hey maybe I'll send him some of the local poison...You want to discuss the Ben Laden thing again? Well okay.
The Jehovah's weren't the only ones offended? My released statement had more? What did it say?
Well personally Rahm, I thought that sending in the Jehovahs who worked as IRS agents and had Amway businesses on the side was a perfect assault team. Shit, they could find anybody, anywhere; threaten them with all sorts of stuff and then just plain wear the bastards out. Did you ever buy any of that expensive popcorn?
Calm down now Rahm, Oh it's you again Mr. President. You say Rahm is drinking directly from the bottle of Glen Livet. Well he has good taste in single malt doesn't he?"
The Vice President got a strange look on his face and took the phone from his ear. Staring off into space he spoke softly.
"The President said I should find Ben Laden's cave and stay there; that it was the only place on the Earth that I could continue to release statements and not be shot by the CIA."
That was the end of the interview but the Vice President could be heard from around the corner discussing the mountain climbing he had done in Delaware last year.