Vlad Putin is a little scared. A little. Now the World Court wants his ass, so he’s wondering: Where Can I Go? South Africa has said it will not arrest Putin should he step on their shores. Man, apartheid can really fuck up a country, can’t it? Ma…
According to new data, Mom is single-handedly keeping landline phones in existence. Research findings published by Johns Hopkins University have revealed that 100 percent of worldwide landline telephone usage is conducted by your mom. “Most o…
NEW ORLEANS – The New Orleans Police Department has informed the citizenry that, due to the tremendous volume of C-19 calls they have been receiving lately, they will be changing their 911 number. Claude Éclair, a spokesperson for the NOPD, said t...
The Chinese government have criticised Donald Trump for making a series of nuisance phone calls to Beijing, in which he has made racist comments, bizarre threats and requested help with building a great wall. A spokesman for the Chinese government...
Local Mom reportedly called her son just once, and hasn't left any messages whatsoever asking him to call her back when he gets this. Fort Wayne, IN - Worried sick, 29-year-old Barry Oldman reported Thursday he got just one missed call from his mo...
Following news that Time Warner Cable has been ordered to pay a Texas woman $229,500 for bombarding her with automated nuisance calls, automated call centres have been quick to include automated call compensation in their repertoire of services. W...
Remember the good old days? Your mother or grandmother still has a washing machine that is over forty years old and is still used daily. It sounds and moves like it's trying to lift off to the moon but to it's credit, the bastard still works. You...
The big news here just about an hour ago is that somehow or other, actor Robert Pattison has cut off weiner but we are awaiting more news on the subject. OK, here's a spokeswoman for Pattinson. "Ladies and gentlemen of the Press, I am here to a...
The Federal Communications Commission today took long-overdue steps to ensure that long-distance rates made by convicted felons are just, reasonable and fair. Studies have determined that law-abiding taxpayers will pick up the cost. The Commis...
CLEVELAND, Ohio - In an interesting twist of events, a telemarketing group in Pakistan has just outsourced its phone telemarketing program to The Hello Telemarketing Agency which is based in Cleveland. Pakistan's Yak Yak Telemarketing Agency, whic...
Another day, another opportunity to fall on my ass! A gal I've known since grade school called me this afternoon to ask if I'd like to get together for lunch tomorrow, to talk about the old days.... OK, before I begin, if you've not read any of my other stories, you may be unaware that no woman I have ever known EVER calls me to ask me to go to lunch, to talk about old times with her, or any...
Microsoft have set up a new system to help their estimated three billion customers. Whenever any slowdown happens, whenever a virus makes its way onto a computer, and whenever there is any kind of crash, they are instantly notified. This then allows...
Police in London are launching a phone number for calls that do not require an urgent response. I tried the system out today to see how it worked. The call went something like this. 101 Ring ring, ring ring, ring ring,…………………………………………….ring ring. Hello, you are through to the police non emergency help line; please select one of the following options. If you see someone breaking into a...
Liza Colburn uses her cellphone constantly. She taps out her grocery lists, records voice memos (e.g. walk Fido, break up with that loser Frank), listens to music at the gym, tracks her caloric intake and posts frequent updates to her Twitter and Fa...
A slap from Mom might sound painful, but new research shows that just hearing her voice can initiate the same sorts of biochemical responses - even when Mommy Dearest is communicating by phone. The human body produces the hormone cortisol as a re...
Weeks after the news David Haye had pulled out of his fight with Brother Vladimir, Vitali has been on the Rampage calling David Haye "Gay". He said "I'm sick of hearing about this no mark Englishman - he knocks out that big bum Monte Barrett and...
A Smegmadale Jewish priest, Rabbi Sheldon Scrunt, dialled 999 when staff at Manchester Airport's W H Smuts bookstore would not allow him to use the toilet, then subsequently shit kittens when the plods turned up and arrested him for making a nuisance...
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