Written by Les Being

Monday, 11 July 2011

Hey!

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Met Police launches 101 number for non-urgent calls
New police number for London

Police in London are launching a phone number for calls that do not require an urgent response. I tried the system out today to see how it worked. The call went something like this.

101

Ring ring, ring ring, ring ring,…………………………………………….ring ring.

Hello, you are through to the police non emergency help line; please select one of the following options.

If you see someone breaking into a car, say one

If you are breaking into a car and would like to turn yourself in, say two

If someone looked at you in a funny way, say three

If someone left a bin bag outside your house, say four

If you are the victim of a violent crime say five

Five

I'm sorry I didn't quit get that. Could you repeat it please.

Five

I'm sorry I didn't quit get that. Could you repeat it please.

Fucking five

You said, forty five. I'm sorry. There is no option forty five. The options are.

If you see someone breaking into a car, say one

If you are breaking into a car and would like to turn yourself in, say two

For fuck sake

You said, forty eight. I'm sorry. There is no option forty eight. The options are.

If you see someone breaking into a car, say one

At which point I lost the will to live hung up.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more