According to England Manager Gareth Southgate after Sunday's win against Croatia, Harry Kane "is the best goal scorer in the world. If only he could do it when it really matters". Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley has sanctioned funds for the Mag...
You remember the days when managers had real football names? Ron, Gordon, Harry, Joe. What do we have now? Maurizio, Marco, Rafael, Nuno, Jose, even bloody Claude. Do me a favour. Where have they all gone? The Spoof has complied a list of favourites and rogues: Mike Bassett, England Manager. Erm, yes we know he doesn't actually exist apart from in the 2001 mockumentary of the same name where...
Would you Adam and Eve it? We only bloody did it. We bloody won a match. Harry, you're not the wuss I've been saying you are (not to your face, obviously). Hats off to the Tottenham mumbler. I always knew you were class. There was one downer for m...
The real reason for Sam Allardyce being sacked as England football manager has now come to light. While the official version is that he helped others circumvent FA rules on transfers, insiders have revealed that his obsession with playing games of an...
Pep has been in place for a few weeks now and City's head honcho has managed to work out exactly why the team under achieved last season. Pizza. Yes, you can assume that City will not be announcing Pizza Express as their official Pizza Partner...
Did you see it? Did you bloody see it? He looked like he was on holiday in Southend not visiting a building site in Manaus. No style, stupid 99p Store shades, long sleeve shirt, all buttoned up and I bet he was wearing flannels and a vest. I suppo...
Sky Sources (Mustard & Ketchup) believe that football officials have confirmed that they will be launching an inquiry into Stuart Pearce's red card and touch-line ban. Pearce reacted to alleged racist abuse from home fans by kicking a football...
Glenn Hoddle has been named England manager, according to a press release made from FA HQ in London. Hoddle, 60, last managed England in 1996 - and led them to World Cup gory, or would have, had David Beckham not got himself sent off against Argen...
Totempall Manager, Hairy Redknipp, appeared in court today accused of tax evasion and having a house in North Wales. Mr Redknipps laywer, Blind Paul Gascoin, made it clear his client would fight the allegations; "Tooth and nail" and added; "I a...
The Football Association's executive board has agreed to abstain in the vote to decide whether or not to continue with Fabio Capello as England manager. FA Chairman David Bernstein explained : "All members of the executive board were unanimous...
This WAS Anfield, Merseyside: Such is the adoration of Roy Hodgson from the 'faithfaul' Liverpool Supporters, that their chant "Hodgson for England", "Hodgson for England", "Hodgson for England" has become the foundation of their growing 'esteem' in...
Wembley, North London: In sumptuous surroundings, cigar smoke in the air and many people speaking in high class pronounced accents, with their noses in the air, everybody fell silent when the main speaker for the evening, Tommy Cooper who was already standing at the lectern, coughed to begin the lecture. "Lords Ladies and Gentlemen, may I remind all of you who are here this evening, that as st...
For those readers who chose to actually read The Sun newspaper today (instead of using it for its correct purpose - emergency toilet paper); you will have been presented with the argument for David Beckham to take over the reigns of the England job from Fabio Capello. The Suns argument - which ignores the obvious basics like Beckham having no coaching badges, no managerial experience whatsoever...
England HQ in the field, South Africa: "We're expecting a Heroes welcome when we get back home at Glasgow Airport!" boomed out Fabio Capello in Tommy Cooper style! Stuck up around all England the dugouts and all the players bedrooms was Fabio Ca...
It's the dream team England fans have been waiting for - everone's favourite Dalek Stephen Hawking is teaming up with a chimpanzee to take over the reigns of the England squad with immediate effect. While the England squad make their way back to t...
The manager of pop sensation Justin Bieber has been arrested following a brawl at one of Bieber's events. Scott 'Scooter' Braun, heir to the famous electric shaver empire is said to have taken 90 minutes to cancel the event after he decided 'it was t...
Notts County, who last week secured the services of the former England manager Sven-Goran Eriksson as Director of Football, have announced the rather depressing news that season ticket sales for the coming campaign are at a record low. County, the...
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