WALLA WALLA, Washington - (Satire News) - The Washington State Deptartment of Fruit, has just issued a statement that the dreadfully horrendous Asian Apple Beetles, who have invaded the state are causing never before seen havoc. One apple grower f…
Beaverview, Washington -- Al Qaeda is turning the wholesome apple into a Weapon of Mass Destruction. Using the ice machine from a hijacked Malaysian airliner and a hotwired PlayStation, the terror group has created a generically modified apple th...
Apple says apple farmers are breaching copyright laws by producing a fruit named after their company and plans to sue if farmers don't rename the fruit. Apple CEO Tim Crook who declined an interview is said to be even more upset at farmers after...
In a move that has stunned and outraged pear aficionados around the world, pears have been downgraded from a fruit to a dwarf fruit. The move comes after the latest annual conference of the International Fruit Tree Association, or IFTA. The conferenc...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States Department of Agriculture announced today a new and highly unusual variety of apple has appeared in a Northwest grove and may be a result of radiation from the Fukushima, Japan nuclear power plant meltdown in Marc...
INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana - A group of Archaeologists affiliated with Johnny Appleseed University in Indianapolis have come across an astounding archaeological find. The group leader Dr. Larson Tuckteen has informed the news media that they have come...
Blackpool, the ageless seaside town, has erected customs booths on all the roads into the town. "There are three major routes into the town," said Blackpool Community Chairperson, Tony Blackburn. "At each of these points, we are putting booths to...
Washington DC - After announcing the success of his "make it fail" program, Rush celebrated on air by swallowing a whole apple. At first he felt fine. Then the listeners heard sirens as Rush was rushed to the hospital for surgery. Rush is in fine...
The conurbations of England may have seen its share of troubles of late, with hoards of the great unwanted roaming the shopping arcades and retail boulevards, on the look out for a free take home treat of a flat TV or DVD, but an altogether quieter r...
Three apples (the 'fruity' kind -- hey, we're not talking computers here) were spotted eating dinner at the Applebee's Restaurant in the Cross County Shopping Center in Yonkers, NY, over the weekend. They were commiserating with each other because they had recently learned that, starting soon, McDonald's Happy Meals in the U.S. will include apples, along with fries, meat (a choice of hamburger, c...
Top boffins are warning us all to stay clear of the latest batch of Russian apples to hit our shores. Grown just some 10 miles from Chernobyl the apples look appealing at first sight, however many are actually deformed! "Zer is notzing rong wit ou...
A leading academic yesterday dismissed the commonly held belief that Sir Isaac Newton formulated his theory of gravity after being struck on the head by an apple as "absolute fucking crap." Professor Hienk Hungrossen of Reading University said,"It...
ST. PAUL - In a repeat of the contentious battle for ballots between Norm Coleman and Al Franken for a Senate seat, Minnesotans have split once more. The initial tally of votes was so close that it triggered an automatic recount. Out of some 3 mi...
According to a ground breaking study that will be published in the Lancet this month a group of amateur scientists have stumbled upon what they claim to be the fruit gene. This news, if corroborated, will rock the world of fruit and vegetables to...
Guilderland, New York (The Leakonomist) - In a gesture that could spell political suicide, irregular Spoof contributor Warren "I like red Apple Mac's" Redlich has banned all internet use in his office.
Altamont, NY (Times Union Staff Writer) - According to locals here, the only thing sweeter than the upcoming apple harvest and eventual cider-drinking could be the legal showdown currently brewing in the Albany County Supreme Court.
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