WALLA WALLA, Washington - (Satire News) - The Washington State Deptartment of Fruit, has just issued a statement that the dreadfully horrendous Asian Apple Beetles, who have invaded the state are causing never before seen havoc.
One apple grower from Apple Seed, Washington, Delbert "Apple Sauce" Honeycrisp, told a reporter with The American Foodie News Agency, that he has already seen at least 82% of his Golden Delicious Apple crop destroyed, 76% of his Granny Smith Apple crop ruined, and 69% of his Johnny Appleseed Apple crop knocked all to hell!
Honeycrisp told AFNA reporter Paloma Sonoma, that he has been involved in the apple growing business for 61 years, and he has not seen anything like this since The Sicilian Apple Spider Infestation of 1961, which completely destroyed his entire Fuji Apple orchards.
SIDENOTE: Apple expert, Baldwin McIntosh stated, that if the damn Asian Apple Beetles destroy all of Washington's apple crop, then apple growers will have to import manzanas (apples) all the way from Bolivia, at a tremendous cost.
