Betsy Devos changes the shape of the world

Submitted by Samuel Vargo

Saturday, 11 March 2017

Betsy Devos, the new Secretary of Education, called a meeting of all media to the White House yesterday. The American media was filled with joy and gratitude since the Gropenfuher more or less banned all creators of "fake news" from the White House. Needless to say, the small amphitheater of the James S. Brady Press Briefing Room was amass with reporters from media organizations from throughout the world. It was a standing-room-only herd of pencilheads.

After letting reporters wait for more than an hour, the steel magnolia billionaire entered the room with an entourage of secret-service agents around her - all dressed in black, with white shirts and black ties. Devos called the meeting for noon sharp and bellies could be heard growling.

"I would like it to be known that I will be signing an executive order at the close of today's business day. I am calling for machine guns to be added to every classroom. It seems as if the polar bears are heading south for some reason or other and are now inhabiting the mainland. One was even spotted in South Beach yesterday eating the dead carcass of a Great White Shark. Our students and teachers must be able to protect themselves. And no, it is not because of global warming - that myth manufactured in China - but because of the fires those Democrat terrorists are starting in the Alaskan tundra and on that fragile and thin pack ice. That's where polar bears hunt for wild hogs, antelope, long-eared jackrabbits, and prairie gophers."

"And another thing: I'm ordering all globes in every school in America to be completely flattened. Yes, the world is flat, not round. So all schools will now have true representations of how the world looked, and still looks, just like God made it 6,000 years ago."

Devos quickly left the room. Reporters cried out questions in a high decibel cacophony of insanity.

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