Wayne Rooney - My Fake Diary

Sunday, 20 October 2013

So I scored the opening goal in both vital world cup qualifying games v Montenegro and Poland at Wembley and we qualified for the World Cup in Brazil.

People are saying that I could become the all time top English goal scorer in world cup ties - but that's not likely to happen. I only score in qualifying, never at the tournament itself verses good teams.

I'll probably fake an injury in the last month of the league season, the public will demand uncle Woy picks me in the squad so I make a recovery for the later stages, and I'll spend the first two weeks in lap-dancing bars with the best of Brazilian tranvestites! RESULT!

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