Tom Cruise - My Fake Diary

Monday, 25 May 2009

Dear Diary

I hate being short, I guess you know that, I mean why else would I divorce Nicole, that bitch was almost twice my size. These built-up shoes are really becoming a drag, no, i mean really, they weigh a ton, usually I chased after every skirt I could see, no I have to make due with the tubby ones, they struggle to get away.

Katie went out with Victoria Beckham again today, I don't know if it's only me, but I don't understand a damn word those people say, that accent is a Mission Impossible.

I don't know why my agent insists that me and David be friends, probably because of the PR I gain. I really need a good role, I need to end my career with a bang, or an Oscar, or both, damn Nicole and Penelope, so hoity toity with their bloody Oscars.

Anyway gotta rush, Katie will be back soon, and still haven't thought of any insults that I could give her tonight...

Previous Dates Next Dates

« Full list of Spoof Celebrity Diaries

Send to a friend

Tell your friends about The Spoof!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more