Tom Cruise - My Fake Diary

Monday, 25 May 2009

Dear Diary

I hate being short, I guess you know that, I mean why else would I divorce Nicole, that bitch was almost twice my size. These built-up shoes are really becoming a drag, no, i mean really, they weigh a ton, usually I chased after every skirt I could see, no I have to make due with the tubby ones, they struggle to get away.

Katie went out with Victoria Beckham again today, I don't know if it's only me, but I don't understand a damn word those people say, that accent is a Mission Impossible.

I don't know why my agent insists that me and David be friends, probably because of the PR I gain. I really need a good role, I need to end my career with a bang, or an Oscar, or both, damn Nicole and Penelope, so hoity toity with their bloody Oscars.

Anyway gotta rush, Katie will be back soon, and still haven't thought of any insults that I could give her tonight...