Tom Cruise - My Fake Diary

Monday, 24 November 2008

Well, Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat, so please put some platform shoes in little Tommies hat. Got up in great form today.

We don't believe in Christmas really, you know. We may believe in green men from the Constellation of Shovehaypenny, but a virgin having a child. Come off it maaaaaan! You think we're idiots? And at Christmas time when the shops are so busy?

I don't think so.

I found out why so many people died on the Titanic. It seems that when the ship was sinking, the shop had a water damage sale, and with all the New York women fighting for a bargain. Hey. Sinkville and Drownville. They should have been paying attention.

Sadly that screaming Selina Diona never went down with the ship, and has been inflicting us with her voice for years. Still, you got your own back on us with that Leonie Day Lewis who won your "Search for an X-Star, My career's dead get me out of here, Have I got news for Dancers" She's now sreaming the odds over here about some bleedin' heart or something. You Londoners can't say anything without it being bleedin' this or bleedin' that.

Well. had a nasty accident this morning. Wasn't watching where I was going and ran straight into the wife in the bathroom. Got my nose well and truly wedged between her breasts. If only I'd been wearing my soles. Their made by a company called "R". Well they must be. When I go out with the wife, many people remark to her that they see she has brought along her "R" sole.

Right, must dash.