The Pope - My Fake Diary

Sunday, 5 October 2008

Got a BIG problem coming up next week! I've got to beatify a 'Brummie' -never done one of them before. Yes, John Henry Newman from Birmingham Oratory.

He was supposed to have performed a miracle by healing a cardinal in America of a serious spinal problem back in the 1860s. Now we need evidence of another miracle before he can be made a saint. I ordered that his body be exhumed to collect some artifacts; maybe some relics to revere the saint.

Now the problem is that during the exhumation NO body was found! This has only happened once before and that was with Jesus. Perhaps that is the other miracle what we're looking for.

This is a simple matter of faith; did John Henry Newman exist? Did Jesus exist? We believe so, and just because neither of them left behind any physical evidence, it doesn't mean to say it is all made up.

That's what I'm going to tell the cardinals anyway!