The Pope - My Fake Diary

Sunday, 1 May 2011

Dear diary,

What a glorious day, this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in It!.

Considering that Friday was a great event in history and seen all around the world by millions… Nay billions of people, I want to make today's beatification of Pope John Paul II into an even greater spectacle. I want to upstage the Protestant sector!

Although the royal wedding brought in over 1 million people to London, I expect over 1.5 million believers to see the remains of a new saint. Did have a bit of a problem though - when we exhumed the body of John Paul II we found that his body had disappeared - he must have been closer to Jesus than we had ever imagined!. How could we explain this to the masses?

In the early hours of Saturday morning, Cardinal Dominic and I took the body of someone else and placed it in the coffin so that everyone would presume that it was indeed John Paul II. To be a saint, one has to have performed 2 miracles; the first one was that he cured a nun of Parkinson's disease and now this. This has got to be one of the greatest miracles that as ever happened since Jesus - the problem lies in who is going to believe it?

Oh well… St Marks Square is already filling up and there must be over 1 million there, but there is still room for another 500,000 - any more takers?