Ray Mears - My Fake Diary

Saturday, 19 April 2008

The figure was too strange even to be that pair! It was in fact Heather Mills gnawing on her leg!

Still confused as I left the call centre and my apparent time-slip, an electronic voice echoed around the room.

What I recommend to you Mr Mears is my book: 'A Brief History of Time' it will explain everything. I looked round and saw Prof. Steven Hawking grinning and drooling over me.

He handed me a large tome.

"I haven't got time to read all this Steve; anyway I'm afraid it might be a little over my head"

"No, No, No!" the professor assured me.

"It's published by 'Ladybird' so anyone can understand it!"

"Tempus Fugit, Mr Mears, Tempus Fugit!" he said.

Not wanting to look dumb, (as I hadn't found out what tempers fuckit meant) I decided to try and find John Benson and get him to explain it to me. Being a QC with 6 kids - he should know. Mind you Ken Livingstone has 5 kids and a newt called 'Tiny' (he's minute!)and knows alot - but cannot be trusted.


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