Osama bin Laden - My Fake Diary

Wednesday, 3 September 2008

8.00 Morning greetings to all infidels

8.05 Struggling to write this as there seems to be a power outage in the cave

8.30 Breakfast of soft boiled eggs, bacon...it's ok, bought the kosher version from the mountainside deli three caves down...tea and some orange juice

9.00 Video conference with some of the lads. Abu Hanza is in great form. Claims he should't be in jail because he's harmless (drop the "h", armless geddit?.............oh please yourselves)

9.30 Stocktaking day today. Have to check the bullet and bomb count in case we are audited by the National Cave Committees.

10.00 Onto google maps to see if there's anywhere nice to carbomb today. Must get the ball on my mouse replaced.

12.30 Stopped by my pal Mur Derer's cave for a bite of lunch and to discuss things. We talked about the price of oil, the cost of food, the price of clothing, why there's not much on the telly and what numpty we might get to blow themselves up in our cause while we sit in our caves. Gosh, we think you infidels are stupid, but boy, you ain't got nothing on our barnpot suicide nutters.

15.00 Time for a quick pray. Must get the old prayer mat off to the laundrette sometime. The muck in this cave doesn't half catch in the mats and make your knees sore.

17.30 A late afternoon tea.

18.30 a quick read of the papers. Little hard to get a current newspaper here, but I see the Olympics are going to be held in Beijing in 2008 - strange time to start the Olympics, just before ten past eight!

22.00 Time for bed. Just a quick recount of my bullets and get the lads together for a quick communal swear at George Bush


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