Osama bin Laden - My Fake Diary

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Feb. 15-Crawled out of my bed (a slab of rock) at 7:30 am today. I went outside of my cave to capture my breakfast: sand beetles. I ate as many as I could catch, but that was only 45, despite the fact that my cave entrance is lined with them...those little insects are hard to catch!

Toured terrorist training camp, on the foothills of the Yogsogga Mountains, at 9am today. Nearly got killed when an AK-47 jammed while firing, and I went to inspect it. I looked down the barrel and then realized that was dangerous and moved away, I dropped the rifle and it went off. I ran and hid behind a nearby pile of rocks and dust. It must be dust, by the way, that was clogging the firing pin on the AK-47...this sort of thing would be so much easier if we just had a little less dust!

Damnit! Speaking of dust, guess what I ate for lunch at 11:30am today? You guessed it-dust. Sick of the shit, to tell you the truth. It's everywhere and it sticks to everything. I couldn't even pull the pin on a grenade in the camp today...guess why? Dust again!

Met with Taliban and other Al-Qaeda leaders for a brief tea and cave-cotillion at 3pm today. I know it was far earlier than high tea is normally served, but that is, after all, an Anglo-American tradition, and we are their avowed jihadist enemies, so the time it was served doesn't really matter! Ate two biscuits...(that is, cookies) thankfully wrapped and sealed in an airtight container...so the amount of dust encrusted on them was minimal. Praise Allah!

Went to bed early today...for it was at 6pm, not my normal time of 9:30pm, but for one, there was no reception on the cave-television...again! I set Abu Abakababacbar outside to fiddle with the antenna, but nothing he did could improve the quality of the signal....that, and the stupid upgrading of all television signals (not only in the US, but all the rest of the world, too)that happened two years ago. Another reason for the US to pay...indeed, of it's many crimes, this forced digitizing and upgrading is their most diabolical and heinous! But maybe it was a good thing, for I stay up far too late anyway, and I am getting older...I need more sleep. Besides, I have a big day planned for tomorrow-the same exact thing. Well, goodnight beloved diary.